8/3/2011 - Happy Birthday to Me!

I had my transplant exactly one year ago, so today is my first second birthday, and it falls on the third day of the month.  That sounds funny - first, second and third.  It is hard to believe that it has already been a year!  As they say, time flies when you’re having fun.  Now, in addition to celebrating two wedding anniversaries a year, I get to celebrate two birthdays, too!  Did I mention I like celebrations? :-)  

I still have check-ups every two weeks.  I had my last one today.  The test results were good, except for some rejection in the form of hives.  Yes, I still have it.  Still scratching every now and then, but the medications help to keep it tolerable.  I am taking immune suppressants and steroids for it.  I hope to get off the medication soon, because prolonged use of the drugs can be bad for the liver and kidneys. 

According to my doctor, one year anniversary is an important milestone, because it means I have a better chance of not having a relapse.  Most relapses occur on the first or second year.  When I get to the two-year mark, there will be a 95% chance that I won’t have a relapse.  And when I hit the five-year mark, it will be unlikely that I will have a relapse the rest of my life.  I can’t wait to get to the five-year mark!

I no longer have any food restrictions (yay!), but still need to be careful with bacteria (sashimi, rare steak, etc.)  I am now allowed to get on a plane, but only within the United States.  Longer flights mean being exposed to dirty, recycled air for a longer period of time – not a good thing.  Traveling to third world countries is also prohibited because I still need my shots.  I have to be immunized all over again, just like a baby!  Waaah!   My doctor doesn’t want me to get any shots yet until I am stronger.  I am in no hurry.  Waaah!

The doctor just gave me the okay to go back to work part time.  At this point, I am not sure if and when I will be going to work. I feel that this is not the time to go back to work yet, partly because we have a couple of vacations lined up in the coming months.  Robert and I are prayerfully waiting for God’s leading in this area.

This will be the last entry in my blog.  The last two years have been quite an adventure for us.  One of my dear friends who recently passed away wished that my journey will be a wonderful adventure of the soul - he got his wish.  I cannot thank you enough for all your support and prayers.  My family and I were helped in many ways by your prayers and well wishes.  We also remember those who went out of their way to send food, gifts, cards, books, cds and dvds.  Your phone calls and visits had also brightened my days.  Thank you for joining our family in this adventure. 

As bad as this journey had seemed to most people, I still think that I got more out of this experience than it had taken out of me.  I have many happy memories and very few bad ones.  I have learned so much about the human body and how to live a healthier lifestyle.  I got a better understanding of the important things in life, basked in the love of family and friends, and experienced the love and grace of God in a whole new level.

Like many people, I have read and heard Psalm 23 countless times.  However, the words are more meaningful to me now.  There were times I had to meditate on the Psalm to get me through some difficulties.  I want to share these words of comfort with you:

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.  He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

As we move on with our lives, please continue praying for my complete healing from the hives, that I will not have a relapse, and protection from any other side effects from the treatments such as secondary forms of cancer or liver or kidney failure.  Please also pray that I will be able to discern what God wants me to do in the next chapter of my life.  

When we think of this journey and what we went through together, may we be reminded of the unchanging love and goodness of our God, and the power of prayer.   To God be the glory, now and forever!

Thank you again for your prayers.  It is my hope that I will be able to visit you all and thank you personally.  In the meantime, we’ll keep in touch by email or Facebook.  Until we meet again, may God continue to bless you and your family!

8/3/2011 - I Dreamed a Dream

I would like to share a dream with you.  I think you may find it interesting.  I started writing about it a couple of months ago, but kept on getting sidetracked.  I finally finished writing about it.  Happy reading!  You were in my dream…

It was several days before my stem cell transplant.  I was reasonably anxious about the whole thing. I knew the potential side effects that may come out of it, including a 15% chance that I may die from the procedure.  One night, I had this dream:

My husband and I were taking a walk one gloomy afternoon. I seemed weak, holding on to my husband as we walked. We were probably in an old town somewhere in Europe - cobblestones and old architecture all around.  We turned the corner and continued walking onto a small plaza. There was a row of small apartments to our right.  As I looked at the apartments, I was surprised to see through the doors and walls.  It was like having Superman's x-ray vision!  

As we walked past the apartments, I saw sick people wearing white hospital gowns in every one of them.  I was surprised to see my assistant in one of the rooms, but she was wearing a colored outfit.  Hmmm… what was she doing there?  After a few more sick people, I walked past a room with a skeleton sitting up in bed! I got scared, so I told my husband I want to go home already.  

We were almost at the end of the plaza.  My husband turned the corner and crossed over to the other side.  My x-ray vision was gone.  We walked a very short distance down the left side of the plaza and I  saw an old church.  To my surprise, my husband opened the door of the church to let me in.  We were supposed to go home, not to church!  I remember thinking, “This is home?!”

It was a medium-sized church - smaller than a cathedral, bigger than a chapel.  As we entered through the right door, I saw a priest swinging a censer behind the left door. I wondered why a priest would burn incense behind the entrance and not in front of the church. Strange…

My husband led me to a small room by the entrance of the church.  I remember thinking, “Home is a room in this church?”   As I turned to go in, I glanced at the front of the church.  I saw rows of people wearing what seemed to be choir gowns.  They were all standing and facing the front.  I also noticed that there was nobody in front.  Who are these people and what are they doing?  I was puzzled as I entered “home”.  The door closed behind us and that was the end of the dream.

When I woke up in the morning, the dream was very clear in my mind.  For someone who rarely remembers any dream, this dream was one of the most vivid and strange in my life.  But what does it mean?  Who are all the people I saw in the apartments?  Why was my assistant there, among the sick people?  Why was there a skeleton?  Does it mean death?  Whose death? Was that a warning?  Why was our home in a church?  What was the significance of the incense?  Who are all the people in the dream?  What were they doing there? 

Many possible interpretations went through my mind.  I did not share any of these with you back then, because I didn’t want to guess at the meaning.  As you can see, some interpretations of this dream can be scary.  Some people have the gift of interpreting dreams, and I am not one of them.

Over the next few months, I slowly came to understand what the dream meant. I may be wrong, but it sure makes a lot of sense to me now.  Here it is: My loving husband is my greatest help during these trying times. The sick people I saw in the apartments were the sick people at the hospital.  The skeleton was one of the patients I met who told me that her doctor said that she will die in a couple of months. I had a hard time with that.  To make a new friend and know that she won’t be around much longer was difficult for me.  My assistant must be visiting someone.  She had told me that her aunt and her best friend’s father were fighting cancer, too.  

I liked having our home was in a church, even if it was only in a dream.  To live in the presence of God is the best thing one could aspire for.  I guess that's why God saves the best for last – we only get there after we die.  J 

Now we get to my favorite part of the dream.  I found out during a bible study that incense represents prayers.  The people standing there were all the people who were praying for my healing and for our family throughout this journey.  You were in my dream!  Your prayers were rising up to God just like the sweet smell of incense.  My family and I cannot thank you enough for your prayers!  Now that was a nice interpretation of my dream, wasn't it?

Thank you once again for your concern, prayers and well wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

3/23/2011 - Seven Months and Counting

Just as some of you thought I was going to fade out of the "digital airwaves",  here I am again!   It sure has been a long time since my last update.  I'm glad most people know by now that with me, "no news is good news".  And that is true.  If something were to go wrong, I would most likely get on a platform, sound the trumpet and ask for prayers galore!

My check-up last Wednesday went well.  The doctor said I am doing "very well" and I have nothing to worry about.  That has been the ongoing theme for several months now, in spite of the hives.  Yes, the hives have been bothering me for a while now.  It is the only sign of rejection (graft versus host disease) that I have.  The doctor is glad to see some rejection, though.  It may go away soon or last a long time, the doctor doesn't know because it is different for everyone.  My skin, eyes and scalp gets itchy from time to time.  During good days, they are just a minor source of irritation.  During bad days, it keeps me up at night even with medication.  Fortunately, there are more good days now than bad days.  If you're having visions of monkeys scratching themselves, you're on the right track!  ooh! ooh! aah! aah!

The doctor finally put me back on a regular diet!  Yay!  He did warn me not to go overboard, though.  I can now have salad that's not prepared at home, yogurt, strawberries, etc.  That was great news!

"Woman overboard!"  I thought having a hot seafood tofu soup would be safe, even if it had oysters in it.  It may have been safe, but I forgot about all the appetizers they give you in a Korean restaurant.  My friend and I enjoyed our lunch yesterday.  But when I got home, my bad stomach reminded me of the oysters and the fresh salad, kimchi, bean sprouts and pickled seaweeds I had with it.  I also ordered my soup medium (spicy by American standards).  Oops!  I guess I went overboard.  I should really be more careful.

One improvement last month was the removal of the PICC line from my arm.  It is a tube that was inserted through my upper arm to a large vein close to my heart.  The line was put in when I was hospitalized.  It was used to draw blood and to give infusions. The doctor decided to remove the line, because my check-ups have been consistently good and the line is only being used to draw blood every two weeks.  Finally - no more rubber sleeves when taking a shower, flushing the line everyday, and being concerned about possible infection in the line!  Now, I just have to get poked each time I go for check-ups.  Ouch!

The doctor did not reduce my medication at all since I last wrote.  He actually increased my immune suppressant by one pill because of the hives.  Not a big deal, but I would really like to be able to cut back on my medication to protect my kidneys and liver.

My hair is growing back.  It is all curly and fine.  This is normal.  I guess chemo drugs can be a substitute for perms.  It lasts about a year, too - much longer than perms!   I don't like how my hair looks right now.  It reminds me too much of the afro look. :-|  But it is sure beats not having any hair!  Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let me have some of your hair!

I get asked this question a lot: am I working now?  Nope, not until one year after transplant (8/4/11), at the earliest.  One year post-transplant is standard, but the doctor may ask for a longer leave depending on my condition.  I am no hurry.  I am presently enjoying my extended "staycation" (medical leave).  Another FAQ: Will I go back to my old job?  I don't know.  I don't know what I will be doing when the doctor says I'm good to go.  I am just waiting for God's leading in this area.  And it could be anything...  

Life is essentially back to normal with my family.  We enjoy our time together much more nowadays for obvious reasons.  Please continue to pray for us - my hives, medication, complete recovery, and protection from the cold and flu virus for all of us.  

Tokyo is going through so much these days.  The earthquake, tsunami and the extent of the damage is really scary.  As I pray for Japan, I can't help praying for God's mercy on us.  Our time may come - thinking of the "big one" overdue here in California.  For now, I am thankful.  Thankful for today, thankful for our safety, thankful for family and friends, thankful for your prayers, thankful for abundant blessings, thankful for being happy.

This is the season of Lent.  I hope we all pause for a moment in our busy lives to consider the great sacrifice for our salvation.  In retrospect, what I went through the last 2 years is nothing compared to what Jesus allowed Himself to go through for me.  Whatever we go through in life, no matter how tough, is part of living in this world - we gotta take the good with the bad.  Jesus didn't have to come to this imperfect world and suffer, but he did, and He made all the difference - in my life, in my family's life, and I hope, also in your lives.

Thank you so much for all your prayers.  May God continue to bless you and your family.

12/25/2010 - Celebrations

My family and I would like to wish you and your family a wonderful and memorable Christmas and all the best blessings for the new year!

It is a real blessing to have family, friends and Christian brothers and sisters we don't even know praying for us during our challenging adventure and sending us well wishes.  From Thanksgiving to Christmas, you have often been in our prayers as we offer special thanks to God for all of you.  You continue to be one of the main reasons why we are able to enjoy our lives despite the circumstances.  You have contributed to my healing and my family's emotional and spiritual well-being all these months. This has been a long journey.  One that is physically and emotionally challenging, but one that is as easy as it could have been because of what you have done.  Once again, we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts and pray that God will richly bless you and your family.

My check-ups continue to be good.  The doctor has reduced my check-ups from once a week to once every two weeks.  I have less hives now, so he may start reducing my medication again next week.

Since my last blog entry, life has gotten from busy to busier, as I'm sure many of you have been experiencing.  In my case, life has been busy catching up with household stuff due to my prolonged "vacation" in the hospital.   I am not good with housekeeping and excellent in procrastinating when it comes to these things, so I will be playing catch up for a long time.  I have also been busy with celebrations - my favorite kind of busyness!  he! he!  Just thought I'd share some with you:

- My 100th day post-transplant (11/11/2010) came and went without any challenges.  So, we celebrated with my sister and friends who have been extra helpful during my recovery.  We had a multi-purpose party: 100th day post-transplant, thanking friends, birthdays and going away party for my sister!   Many good reasons to pig out! :-)

- Celebrating sisterhood.  My sister, Verna, came to help us out the last few months.  We will be forever grateful for her help, and thank God that she is in our lives.  Knowing that she will not be here with us for a long time, I have been busy enjoying her company while she was here.  Verna left for Manila on Thanksgiving day.  We miss her and look forward to her next visit.

- Friendships.  An old friend and former co-worker visited from Vancouver.  That was enough excuse to round up former coworkers and friends in the area. It is always nice to catch up with old friends.

- Thanksgiving day...so many reasons to be thankful (including you!), and more yummy food!  Need I say more? :-)

- Our 23rd wedding anniversary!  Rob and I have not been married 23 years, but we had two weddings - a civil wedding in St. John (one of the U.S. Virgin Islands) and a church wedding in Manila. We celebrate both every year, so technically it is our 23rd anniversary. ha! ha!  Did I say I love celebrations? :-)

- Family R&R.  We just came back from a short vacation a couple of days ago.  We went to Ventura county exploring Santa Barbara, Oxnard and vicinity.  It rained most of the time we were there, so instead of lounging by the beach, hiking in Channel Islands and sightseeing, we ended up lounging in the townhouse (rental), did some sightseeing and explored museums and Christmas spectacles in the area. There were many pleasant surprises, lots of laughter and much relaxation - very nice vacation!   As Douglas McArthur once said,  "(We) shall return."

- Christmas...a time to reflect on the reason for the season...a time to be busy looking for the best gifts and sending greetings to those who matter most in our lives.  It is the time of year when we celebrate Jesus, family and friends - relationships that enrich our lives on so many ways...God's gifts to us.

Once again, we wish you the best of the season and a happy new year.  Thank you for your love, your friendship, your prayers and your well wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

11/2/2010 - Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my birthday.  And boy, did I have a happy birthday!  Nothing spectacular happened on my birthday, but it was one of the best birthdays I ever had.  Part of it had to do with the gratitude of having survived to celebrate another year of life.  Part of it had to do with being able to celebrate it with my family.  And a lot of it had to do with all the love I received on my special day.

The day started with lots of hugs and kisses from my family. Katie and Ellie gave me their homemade cards - they are the best kind!  I started receiving calls and texts from friends and relatives who remembered my birthday.  That made for a great start for the day.

My sister went with me to the City of Hope for my regular Monday morning check-up.  I got plenty of greetings from the nurses, scheduler, and also my doctor.  Some of them sang the birthday song and even came up with a makeshift birthday cake and candle (a piece of brownie topped with a chocolate kiss).  I see them all so often that we have come to know each other better.  It is very nice to have such wonderful people take care of me all these months.  Once again, I cannot say enough good things about the care I receive(d) both as an inpatient and outpatient at the City of Hope.  Truly an excellent organization made up of outstanding professionals.

While waiting for my name to be called at the hospital,  I used my new netbook (my hubby's gift) to check my email and log in to Facebook.  To my pleasant surprise, there were already many greetings from relatives and friends from all over. The rest of the day was filled with more greetings and even a home made cheesecake from Bessie!  Delicious!  Now if that doesn't warm one's heart, I don't know what will.  I was so touched by the outpouring of love from my family, friends and relatives. 

Now, what's a birthday celebration without food?  Thanks to your prayers, I was allowed to eat in restaurants  on my birthday.  I usually take a day off from cooking on my birthday and on Mother's Day, so that worked out well.  We went to a couple of our favorite restaurants for lunch and dinner.

I feel so blessed to have a really nice family and relatives, and doubly blessed to have so many wonderful friends.  The best gift I got today was the reminder of how much richer my life has been because of the friends I've made along the way.  I can think of many fun, funny and fond memories with them.  Of course, there were also many challenges we had to go through that made our friendships stronger, but it is the bond and the good memories that I cherish most.  Oh, no!  I am beginning to sound like an old person!  I used to think nostalgia is for old people.  Oh well, we'll all get there sooner or later.  It's just great to be alive - young or old. :-)

The Lord continues to grant our request for an uneventful 100 days, and for my recovery.  The check-up went well.  The doctor was happy with the test results.  It didn't bother him that I was fighting a mild cold, some hives and a mild upset stomach.  He even allowed me to eat in restaurants.  As usual, if the doctor is happy, so am I.  I am scheduled to have another biopsy next week.  They normally take another biopsy near the 100th day to see whether all the cancer cells are gone.  Please pray that the biopsy will come out clean, and that I will get over the cold, hives and upset stomach.

Also please remember to thank God for His goodness.  Each time I go to for my check-up, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have to go through so little considering my situation.  A fellow patient I met at the hospital who also had AML is having a hard time recovering.  Although her sister was her transplant donor, and she went home a week before I did, she still cannot eat well because of nausea and problems with her digestion.  She had several blood and platelet transfusions.  On top of that, she even had spinal taps (that's painful) and was required to have chemo every other week for the next six months!  I really felt bad for her.  She is my age and also has two children.  It must be very tough on her.  There are many other stories of what other patients are going through as I meet them at the waiting area.  I cannot help letting out a "Thank you, Lord!" under my breath each time I hear about what other people had to go through, because "there, but for the grace of God, go I". 

Thank you all very much, because I know that without your prayers, the road would have been rougher for me and my family.  Please do not underestimate the impact your prayers have on our lives.  We certainly don't.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

10/13/2010 - Speedy Recovery

I can't believe it has been a month since I last posted an entry!  My apologies to anyone out there who got  concerned about my well-being due to my long silence. 

My check-ups have been good all this time.  The only issue I had was that a certain virus called CMV for short (I don't remember the long version of the name) came out in a blood test.  It is similar to the chicken pox virus - most people have it, but it leaves us alone unless our immune system is weakened.  I had to take an IV medication for that, and it was gone in a week.  I continue to take it just as a precaution.  The IV med was quite interesting.  It looks like the lemon juice sold in lemon-shaped containers in supermarkets, but with a tube coming out of one end to attach to my PICC line (port).  The "lemon" becomes smaller as the medication goes into my system.  Once it is finished, I just take it off myself.  So easy.  I love technology! 

I will be going for my check-up again tomorrow morning.  The doctor has been very happy with my progress, so I do not expect it to be any different tomorrow.  The doctor continues to reduce my medications, and I continue to feel better.  God continues to be gracious to me and my family.  Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

So what has been keeping me busy these days?  Partying!  :-)  Not really.  I spend two mornings a week at the hospital for check-ups.  Then, it is mostly activities revolving around food - grocery shopping, cooking, eating and cleaning up.  Since I cannot eat restaurant food, I had to prepare most meals by myself.  Takeout food has taken a backseat to my culinary skills (or lack thereof).  :-)  It feels good to feed my family our favorite foods again.  Then, there's the visits to the dentist and optometrist for myself and the kids, and some shopping (yes!). 

I read something interesting recently.  Apparently, spending 10 minutes a day to meditate, pray, or just clear the mind and do nothing can make a big difference in managing stress.  There is some positive physical effect on the  body, but I don't remember what it is anymore - blame it on my chemo brain.  :-| 

Another interesting thing I read recently.   If you know anyone who has cancer, you can help them by trying to make them laugh or get them to be happy.  Apparently, a recent study has shown that cancer patients who are positive and happy tend to recover faster than patients who are down, worried or depressed.  The mental and emotional state of the person has a lot to do with the body's ability to recover.

Thank you all for your continued support through your prayers and well-wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family. 

9/15/2010 - Happiness

Happiness is getting good results during check-ups.  My biopsy came out clean!  My blood count had been normal for over a week now, but I am immune compromised.  I am still on immune suppressants and steroids to take care of any GVHD / rejection.  The doctor has started reducing my medications because he says I am doing very well.  When the doctor is happy with my condition, I am happy.  I see the doctor twice a week for check-ups. 

I have recovered from my zombie state.  Now, I can do some chores around the house, cook my family's favorite foods, and go out shopping (mostly just for food).  I still can't stay out too much in the sun or be exposed to crowded places and I am still on low bacteria diet plus some other restrictions, but I am not complaining.  This beats staying in the hospital any day.  It is so nice to go back to a somewhat normal life again!  Even washing dishes felt like a privilege after being unable to do these seemingly mundane chores.  Just goes to show what a little change in perspective can do.

Happiness is being home with my family. After spending 2 months away from them, I have a renewed appreciation for my husband and my children.  My loving husband did a wonderful job being Superdad while I was gone.  He managed to keep everything as close to normal for our kids as possible - not an easy feat.  Feels great knowing that the man I married is someone I have grown to love even more over the years.  As for my girls, they can't get enough hugs and kisses from mommy.  No worries there.  I have infinite supply.  Katie's second name is Grace, and Ellie's is Joy.  They are truly God's grace and joy to Rob and I.

Happiness is having my sister here with us.  My sister, Verna, is in town to be my "designated caregiver".  A designated caregiver is someone who helps the patient with day-to-day activities and to rush the patient to the hospital during emergencies.  In my case, because I am doing so well, her role is to rush me to the emergency room any time should the need arise.  I am serious.  The hospital wanted to know who will be available for the job before sending me home.  I do not expect to have to go through that, but it is better be prepared for the worst.  In the meantime, I am enjoying the company of my sister.  For those who have sisters, you know what a treat this is!  I call her my "angel", sent by God to watch over me last year, and again this year.  How blessed am I?

Happiness is being able to enjoy food again!  I am singing "Food, Glorious Food!" (from Ice Age) in my mind.  My taste buds were muted when I came out of the hospital.  I was also under a more stringent diet restriction then.  I still can't eat restaurant food, but I can have home cooked meals.  My taste buds have come back to life, so I have been indulging myself with my favorite home cooked food. Yum!

Happiness is having all of you praying for me and my family.  We would not have been able to fare so well all these months were it not for your prayers.  God continues to shine His grace upon our family, and we are very thankful to be back in each other's arms again.

Thank you for very much for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!