As most people in the US are getting relief from heat waves across the nation, I have my own share of relief. Not from the seething weather outside, though. The weather in my room is a constant 71 degrees. The relief I got was from the biopsy result. The liver biopsy came out clean! Whew! I am so happy to hear that from the doctor just now. I was not sure how I would react if the result came out bad. Thank God it was good.
I have been feeling lazy and blah the last few days. I was feeling fine earlier on, even learned to play a few pieces on the harp. I think it all started after my radiology consultation. They told me about all the potential risks and side effects of radiation. Then, the nurse coordinator for my transplant also told me about what to expect with the transplant – not many good things. Then, the doctor wanted to have a biopsy of my liver. It was all too overwhelming.
Now that I think about it, I might have also been mourning the end of my somewhat carefree life. In a few short days, I will be physically prepared to have the transplant. This includes giving me various medications to manage side effects and prevent Graft Versus Host Diseas (GVHD), 4 days of radiation and 3 days of intense chemotherapy. Mouth sores and GI tract problems are to be expected, I was warned by the nurse coordinator. Yikes! Then, comes the transplant.
The transplant is tentatively scheduled for August 5. My life will not be the same again after that. I have lived a relatively carefree life. I enjoyed much of what life had to offer without worrying about my health. This changed somewhat last year, after having Leukemia. After the transplant, this carefree attitude may be replaced by paranoia. With the prospect of having cataract, thyroid and lung problems, leukemia relapse, secondary forms of cancer, liver and kidney problems, all due to the treatments received for and during transplant, I will have to figure out how I can live the rest of my life responsibly without being overly cautious to the point of not enjoying life anymore. Life is too short not to make the most of it and enjoy it as best we can. I guess I will have to learn as I go.
With the good news from the doctor, I am feeling better already. We’re expecting to receive the donor clearance tomorrow. Then, they will finalize my schedule. I am bracing myself for the regimen I will be going through in the coming weeks. I was advised to load up on protein, because it is the building block for cellular growth - learning something new everyday!
I will post my treatment schedule once it is official. Please do continue to pray for me. I need your prayers now more than ever. The BMT is going to be very intense, with many potential side effects and many risks involved. Please pray that my body will be able to tolerate the medications and treatments well, and that there will be minimal side effects and GVHD. Please also pray that my family and I will continue to be happy and have a positive attitude throughout the whole process, and may we be given extra strength, faith, grace and mercy throughout these coming weeks.
Thank you again for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
7/16/2010 - What a Week!
First, the good news: The bone marrow biopsy came out clean. Thank you, Lord! Thank you for your prayers, too, of course.
Next, the bad-to-good news: The mild fever I had last Saturday afternoon turned ugly that night. My fever shot up to over 39 degrees, and would have stayed there if it weren’t for Tylenol. Every four hours, I would seesaw between shivering because of the high temperature and sweating once Tylenol sets in. By Monday, they figured out that I had strep infection possibly from the catheter on my arm. They removed the catheter and gave me the right antibiotic. My fever slowly came down after that. Whew!
Some bad things happen due to no fault of ours. Unfortunately, I think this is not one of those cases. One of the things I did to entertain myself here is to play games in my Blackberry, specifically Sudoku and Word Mole. Before coming to the hospital, I have always been careful NOT to play any computer games because I know how addicted I can get when I start enjoying a game. In the past, I would play so much that my grades at school would begin to head south or my work would begin to suffer. At that point, I would stop cold turkey to save my future. I would have signed up for “Gamers Anonymous” if there is such a thing. :-)
With so much time on my hands in the hospital, I thought it will be safe to indulge myself with a game or two. Wrong! I ended up spending most days just playing and giving myself eye strain and headaches. Even worse, I think it might have led to a series of other minor but annoying things that went wrong before and during the fever. By Sunday night, with my fever burning, I was so tired that all I could do was stay in bed and do nothing. That was when I realized that God may be trying to tell me something. I also realized that since I started playing, I have been doing too much playing and not much praying! Oh, no! Of course God was not pleased. Those silly games have taken over my precious time with Him. Got it, Boss! I’m sorry! No more playing! Actually, it was tough to pray that night knowing how much I have offended the Lord. I am just glad that we have a God who is slow to anger and quick to forgive. The following day, they found out that strep was causing the fever and they were able to treat it. Hallelujah!
Now for the bad news: The hospital is putting me through a series of tests to make sure that I don’t have anything else going on that may badly interfere with the transplant. So far I had chest x-rays, EKG, echocardiogram and CT scan. They saw a small lesion in my liver during the CT scan. After an MRI and liver scan, they still couldn’t figure out what it is, so the doctor wants me to have a biopsy on Tuesday. It could be as bad as a liver cancer, something totally benign or many other things in between. Please pray that I will have a clean biopsy on Tuesday. I certainly do not need any more challenges.
My blood count has not gone up at all from the bottom. It probably didn’t have a chance to inch up because the few good cells I left had to fight the infection. It was like a few brave men fighting an army until the right antibiotic came to the rescue.
Please keep praying that my blood count will go back to normal and that I will not have any other infections from here on. Please also pray that they will not find anything else wrong with me, and that the biopsy on Tuesday will come out clean. Lastly, please pray that Rob will have the strength and wisdom for his new role as Superdad, and that all of us will remain happy throughout this new adventure.
Thank you very much once again for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.
Next, the bad-to-good news: The mild fever I had last Saturday afternoon turned ugly that night. My fever shot up to over 39 degrees, and would have stayed there if it weren’t for Tylenol. Every four hours, I would seesaw between shivering because of the high temperature and sweating once Tylenol sets in. By Monday, they figured out that I had strep infection possibly from the catheter on my arm. They removed the catheter and gave me the right antibiotic. My fever slowly came down after that. Whew!
Some bad things happen due to no fault of ours. Unfortunately, I think this is not one of those cases. One of the things I did to entertain myself here is to play games in my Blackberry, specifically Sudoku and Word Mole. Before coming to the hospital, I have always been careful NOT to play any computer games because I know how addicted I can get when I start enjoying a game. In the past, I would play so much that my grades at school would begin to head south or my work would begin to suffer. At that point, I would stop cold turkey to save my future. I would have signed up for “Gamers Anonymous” if there is such a thing. :-)
With so much time on my hands in the hospital, I thought it will be safe to indulge myself with a game or two. Wrong! I ended up spending most days just playing and giving myself eye strain and headaches. Even worse, I think it might have led to a series of other minor but annoying things that went wrong before and during the fever. By Sunday night, with my fever burning, I was so tired that all I could do was stay in bed and do nothing. That was when I realized that God may be trying to tell me something. I also realized that since I started playing, I have been doing too much playing and not much praying! Oh, no! Of course God was not pleased. Those silly games have taken over my precious time with Him. Got it, Boss! I’m sorry! No more playing! Actually, it was tough to pray that night knowing how much I have offended the Lord. I am just glad that we have a God who is slow to anger and quick to forgive. The following day, they found out that strep was causing the fever and they were able to treat it. Hallelujah!
Now for the bad news: The hospital is putting me through a series of tests to make sure that I don’t have anything else going on that may badly interfere with the transplant. So far I had chest x-rays, EKG, echocardiogram and CT scan. They saw a small lesion in my liver during the CT scan. After an MRI and liver scan, they still couldn’t figure out what it is, so the doctor wants me to have a biopsy on Tuesday. It could be as bad as a liver cancer, something totally benign or many other things in between. Please pray that I will have a clean biopsy on Tuesday. I certainly do not need any more challenges.
My blood count has not gone up at all from the bottom. It probably didn’t have a chance to inch up because the few good cells I left had to fight the infection. It was like a few brave men fighting an army until the right antibiotic came to the rescue.
Please keep praying that my blood count will go back to normal and that I will not have any other infections from here on. Please also pray that they will not find anything else wrong with me, and that the biopsy on Tuesday will come out clean. Lastly, please pray that Rob will have the strength and wisdom for his new role as Superdad, and that all of us will remain happy throughout this new adventure.
Thank you very much once again for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
7/10/2010 - Bone Marrow/Stem Cell Transplant
"Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His (B)holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle." Psalm 103:1-5
This is such a beautiful psalm! I read it this morning, and I am reminded of God’s love and goodness. It is also comforting to be reminded that He is in control of my disease, and He can easily cure me if He wants to.
The hospital found a match for me. It is a 90% match, but the doctors think that it is good enough. They will just give me extra medication to reduce potential Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD). GVHD is the biggest risk in any transplant. If my body rejects the new stem cells, it could lead to multiple and potentially fatal complications.
The donor is an international donor. The only things I was allowed to know are that he is a 22-yr old male with O+ blood type. I have A+ blood type. After the transplant, my blood type will become O+. Amazing, isn’t it? I don’t know how that happens, but I remain amazed at the complexity of the human body, and its ability to adapt to various situations.
Fortunately for me, I needed a donor when technology has allowed the hospital to search donor databases all over the world. The donor is now undergoing physical exam to make sure that he does not have any infectious diseases and that he is healthy enough to be a donor. I am glad the donor is a 22-yr old, because stem cells from younger people work better than stem cells from older people. One year after recovery, I can request to know who my donor is. Right now, I only have a picture of a selfless man who is willing to go through all the hassle to save the life of a total stranger. I marvel at the generosity of the human spirit.
The preparation for bone marrow transplant has started. The process involves a battery of tests – EKG, echocardiogram, CT scan, chest x-rays, blood tests, etc. Then, comes the difficult part: I will be given ultra high doses of radiation and chemotherapy to wipe out my bone marrow. I may not have the energy to post anything in my blog during that time. It starts on July 26. After that, I will be given immune suppressants for a few days.
The bone marrow transplant is scheduled for August 5. It takes only a few hours, and it is just like having blood transfusion. But the similarity ends there. There may be some form of GVHD, and they will treat the problems as they arise. I will be in critical condition during the first 100 days, because if anything were to go wrong, it usually happens during the first hundred days. My sister will come and help us out during the 100 days, and friends have also offered to help us during this time.
I am still in the hospital. I developed a mild fever this afternoon – not unusual. I may not be able to go home between now and the transplant if my blood count doesn’t go back to normal soon.
Please continue to pray for me and my family, and may God bless you and your family.
And all that is within me, bless His (B)holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle." Psalm 103:1-5
This is such a beautiful psalm! I read it this morning, and I am reminded of God’s love and goodness. It is also comforting to be reminded that He is in control of my disease, and He can easily cure me if He wants to.
The hospital found a match for me. It is a 90% match, but the doctors think that it is good enough. They will just give me extra medication to reduce potential Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD). GVHD is the biggest risk in any transplant. If my body rejects the new stem cells, it could lead to multiple and potentially fatal complications.
The donor is an international donor. The only things I was allowed to know are that he is a 22-yr old male with O+ blood type. I have A+ blood type. After the transplant, my blood type will become O+. Amazing, isn’t it? I don’t know how that happens, but I remain amazed at the complexity of the human body, and its ability to adapt to various situations.
Fortunately for me, I needed a donor when technology has allowed the hospital to search donor databases all over the world. The donor is now undergoing physical exam to make sure that he does not have any infectious diseases and that he is healthy enough to be a donor. I am glad the donor is a 22-yr old, because stem cells from younger people work better than stem cells from older people. One year after recovery, I can request to know who my donor is. Right now, I only have a picture of a selfless man who is willing to go through all the hassle to save the life of a total stranger. I marvel at the generosity of the human spirit.
The preparation for bone marrow transplant has started. The process involves a battery of tests – EKG, echocardiogram, CT scan, chest x-rays, blood tests, etc. Then, comes the difficult part: I will be given ultra high doses of radiation and chemotherapy to wipe out my bone marrow. I may not have the energy to post anything in my blog during that time. It starts on July 26. After that, I will be given immune suppressants for a few days.
The bone marrow transplant is scheduled for August 5. It takes only a few hours, and it is just like having blood transfusion. But the similarity ends there. There may be some form of GVHD, and they will treat the problems as they arise. I will be in critical condition during the first 100 days, because if anything were to go wrong, it usually happens during the first hundred days. My sister will come and help us out during the 100 days, and friends have also offered to help us during this time.
I am still in the hospital. I developed a mild fever this afternoon – not unusual. I may not be able to go home between now and the transplant if my blood count doesn’t go back to normal soon.
Please continue to pray for me and my family, and may God bless you and your family.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
7/6/2010 - Here we go again
This is just like those action/suspense movies that make you hold your breath during the final chase scene. And just as you finally give out a sigh because the villain's dead, a hand reaches out from behind... Aaahhh! That was exactly how I felt when I heard the bad news. It took me a couple of days to get over the shock and numbness that came with the news. The "screaming" in my head has stopped.
I went for a check-up last month. The doctor was suspicious when she saw my platelets slightly below normal. She said it may just mean I am about to have my period. I thought that was exactly what it was. But just to be sure, the doctor scheduled another test 2 weeks later. When I went back for the test, my white blood count was more than 10x above the normal range - really bad sign. More tests that day confirmed it. I had a relapse, so the doctor sent me back to the hospital for chemotherapy on the 24th. This time, they used 3 drugs and it lasted 5 days. I will be kept in the hospital until my blood count goes back to normal - that's about 4 weeks.
How did this happen? I don't know. Did my going back to work so soon affect it? The doctor said that if the cancer cells are intent on coming back, going back to work or not will not have much effect on it. I'm thinking I might have pushed it a bit by trying to pack too much in my half days at work - bad habit.
The doctor had previously warned me that a bone marrow transplant will be necessary if there is a relapse. I guess this is God's way of telling me that I do need a bone marrow transplant. I was afraid of all the complications that may come with it, but now I have no choice. Just like the last bout with Leukemia, our family is counting on the prayers of family and friends to carry us through the treatments. We are leaving everything in the loving hands of God and taking things one day at a time.
As bad as thing are, things could be a lot worse. I am thankful for blessings that come my way everyday. I was able to tolerate this round of chemo better than the induction round I had last year - no fever, chicken pox, mouth sores or inflammation. Yay! Once again, I did not throw up or lose my appetite. This definitely helps in the recovery and prepares me for the harsher treatments that come with having a transplant. My hair will fall out again, but it's not a big deal. Things could be a lot worse. My family also gets to visit me in my room - the best part of my days! I did not realize what a blessing it was to be able to see my family everyday until I met patients who live far from the hospital or who have to fly in from out of state for treatments. They do not get to see their family very much
Other blessing include getting a room with the mountain view! I saw beautiful fireworks from my window during the 4th of July celebration. I am also quite blessed to have physical, musical and recreational therapy available in the hospital. When my counts are okay, I get to join group exercise classes and play poker or do something else with other patients. When the counts are low, a therapist goes to my room to guide me with exercises. A music therapist gives me CDs of therapeutic music (ever heard of music accupuncture?), and schedules musicians to play music in my room. We had a choir singing patriotic songs outside my room the other day. What beautiful voices! I may even get to learn to play the harp or a few pieces on the keyboard while I'm here. That would be fun.
The biggest blessing of all is to have family and friends helping us during these difficult times through prayers, words of encouragement, and giving us a hand with some of our chores. Cristina, Marlene, Nini and Nora have been specially helpful in keeping my family well-fed while the chef is taking an extended vacation in the hospital.
Please pray for my healing, that the hospital will find a suitable donor for me, that I will not have any side effects from the chemo, and that my blood count will go back to normal soon. Also pray that my family and I will remain happy throughout this period, and that Rob and I will have the extra strength, courage and faith to face the challenges ahead.
Thank you very much for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.
I went for a check-up last month. The doctor was suspicious when she saw my platelets slightly below normal. She said it may just mean I am about to have my period. I thought that was exactly what it was. But just to be sure, the doctor scheduled another test 2 weeks later. When I went back for the test, my white blood count was more than 10x above the normal range - really bad sign. More tests that day confirmed it. I had a relapse, so the doctor sent me back to the hospital for chemotherapy on the 24th. This time, they used 3 drugs and it lasted 5 days. I will be kept in the hospital until my blood count goes back to normal - that's about 4 weeks.
How did this happen? I don't know. Did my going back to work so soon affect it? The doctor said that if the cancer cells are intent on coming back, going back to work or not will not have much effect on it. I'm thinking I might have pushed it a bit by trying to pack too much in my half days at work - bad habit.
The doctor had previously warned me that a bone marrow transplant will be necessary if there is a relapse. I guess this is God's way of telling me that I do need a bone marrow transplant. I was afraid of all the complications that may come with it, but now I have no choice. Just like the last bout with Leukemia, our family is counting on the prayers of family and friends to carry us through the treatments. We are leaving everything in the loving hands of God and taking things one day at a time.
As bad as thing are, things could be a lot worse. I am thankful for blessings that come my way everyday. I was able to tolerate this round of chemo better than the induction round I had last year - no fever, chicken pox, mouth sores or inflammation. Yay! Once again, I did not throw up or lose my appetite. This definitely helps in the recovery and prepares me for the harsher treatments that come with having a transplant. My hair will fall out again, but it's not a big deal. Things could be a lot worse. My family also gets to visit me in my room - the best part of my days! I did not realize what a blessing it was to be able to see my family everyday until I met patients who live far from the hospital or who have to fly in from out of state for treatments. They do not get to see their family very much
Other blessing include getting a room with the mountain view! I saw beautiful fireworks from my window during the 4th of July celebration. I am also quite blessed to have physical, musical and recreational therapy available in the hospital. When my counts are okay, I get to join group exercise classes and play poker or do something else with other patients. When the counts are low, a therapist goes to my room to guide me with exercises. A music therapist gives me CDs of therapeutic music (ever heard of music accupuncture?), and schedules musicians to play music in my room. We had a choir singing patriotic songs outside my room the other day. What beautiful voices! I may even get to learn to play the harp or a few pieces on the keyboard while I'm here. That would be fun.
The biggest blessing of all is to have family and friends helping us during these difficult times through prayers, words of encouragement, and giving us a hand with some of our chores. Cristina, Marlene, Nini and Nora have been specially helpful in keeping my family well-fed while the chef is taking an extended vacation in the hospital.
Please pray for my healing, that the hospital will find a suitable donor for me, that I will not have any side effects from the chemo, and that my blood count will go back to normal soon. Also pray that my family and I will remain happy throughout this period, and that Rob and I will have the extra strength, courage and faith to face the challenges ahead.
Thank you very much for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
6/3/2010 - Au Revoir / Lessons Learned
Sorry for the long silence. I have gone back to work since last week, and have been mentally exhausted most days to write anything sensible.
One lesson I learned recently is that I need to do less. I realize now that it will take several months for my body to go back to its pre-leukemia state. When my body and brain shouts "Enough!" after only 4-5 hours of work, this is normal - for now. So, taking the cue from my body and brain, I have cut back my expectations and my work hours. But this is so difficult! I am so used to pushing myself that pulling back is totally unnatural for me. It feels like awakening an unused muscle in my brain, if there is such a thing. Oh well, this is good training for me in reducing stress.
This is my final blog entry. By the grace of God and through your prayers and support, we have come to the end of this journey with my healing and many blessings! It has truly been a wonderful adventure of the soul. There is no other way to experience certain truths except through trials - the PEACE that surpasses understanding, the JOY of being in God's presence in the midst of adversity, the amazing GRACE that is sufficient for all our trials, the power of PRAYER, the FAITH that heals the sick, and the LOVE of family and friends tested by time and trials. Looking back, I still think that I got more out of this trial than what it took out of me.
This experience was no walk in the park though. And since I believe in squeezing all I can learn out of a difficult situation, I would like to share some of the lessons I learned along the way. This way, I get to maximize the return on my painful "tuition fee". Here they are:
1) Priorities. Nothing clarifies our priorities better than seeing the end of one's life. As a Christian who was about to meet her Maker, the only thing I could think of was, "What will God say about me?" Everything that seemed important in life faded into the shadow of His majesty. At that point, I wished that I had done more for the Lord. And if I was given a chance to live longer, I knew that I want to spend more time with my family and love them more than I do. Be clear on one's priorities in life and live accordingly.
2) Prayer. Make the most of the amazing power of prayer. In addition to praying for ourselves, praying for others can change another person's circumstances. I am living proof of the power of intercessory prayers. Unleash the power of prayer for ourselves and others.
3) Blessings. I did not know that having Leukemia was a means to channel many blessings to me and my family. Many blessings come in ugly packages.
4) Planning for the future. I realized the I have spent too much time planning for retirement and too little time thinking about post-retirement. Ironically, I may not even live long enough to enjoy the retirement I was planning for, but I will definitely get into post-retirement mode sooner or later.
5) Investments. In terms of investing for the future, I realized that my best investments all these years have been whatever was given to the church or people in need. Their value never goes down and they more than double their value immediately. The value multiplies in terms of blessing the recipient and the giver, and they are credited to our bank account in heaven. Nothing can beat that kind of return.
6) Good health. In the fast food lifestyle that many of us have been accustomed to, I realized that I have often exchanged good health for convenience. In the long run, we may end up giving back all the time we saved by lying in some hospital bed somewhere or worse, with a shortened lifespan. I know better now.
7) Good health and cancer. Even though a healthy lifestyle does not guarantee a cancer-free life, it does make one better equipped to deal with the treatment(s). My doctors were relieved to know that I was in good health before I was diagnosed with Leukemia. It must have made their job less difficult.
8) Health Insurance. For those of us living in the US, having a good health insurance is so important. With the high cost of health care, we never know what could happen to our health that may wipe out our savings. So, be prepared.
9) Family. Our family is a gift from God. No matter what type of family one has, our family has helped shape us into who we are. They have been there for us through good times and bad. Once again, I am reminded of how blessed I am with my family. Remember to thank God for our family.
10) Friendship. Friendship is also a gift from God. We never truly realize our friends' value until we're "hit by a truck". I was amazed at how many of my friends have turned out to be such gems. My spirits have been lifted so much by the outpouring of love and support. Even friends I have not been in touch with in ages suddenly showed up with words of encouragement, prayers, and food (they know me well. ha! ha!). I really felt like I won the lottery. Remember to thank God for our friends.
11) Kindness. I realized that even small gestures of kindness mean a lot to people who are going through tough times.
12) Faith. This experience has deepened my faith in our loving God. Once again, I am reminded that even if His ways do not make sense to me, He loves me more than I can understand and He is in control. Trusting that He is doing whatever is best for me according to His purpose, and that all things will work out for good has helped me rest in His care. Faith has made a big difference in my battle with cancer - no tears of sadness but only tears of joy. To His glory!
My hope is that you get to experience the love of God through the saving grace in Jesus, the joy of being in God's presence, and the peace that comes from casting our cares upon Him and trusting that He will take care of us.
My family and I would like to extend our deepest gratitude to all of you who have come alongside us during these challenging months. Your prayers have been answered. Your food have been gratefully consumed (yum!). Your phone calls and emails have lifted my spirits. Your visits have brightened up my days. Your jokes, funny books and dvds were the best medicine. Your inspirational cds and books have comforted and inspired me. Your advice were appreciated. Your practical books saved me thousands of dollars. But most of all, your love and friendship will always be treasured in our hearts. I hope to see you all one day and thank you personally for contributing to my healing, and for making this adventure as spiritually enjoyable as it had been. May God continue to bless you and your family!
Let me close with one of my favorite hymns. (You're so lucky you cannot hear me sing this. :-)
My Tribute / To God be the Glory
How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved, yet You give to prove your love for me.
The voices of a million angels, could not express my gratitude.
All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee.
To God be the glory. To God be the glory.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.
With His blood, He has saved me.
By His power, He has raised me.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.
Just let me live my life, and let it be pleasing, Lord, to Thee.
And should I gain any praise, let it go to Calvary.
With His blood, He has saved me.
By His power, He has raised me.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.
One lesson I learned recently is that I need to do less. I realize now that it will take several months for my body to go back to its pre-leukemia state. When my body and brain shouts "Enough!" after only 4-5 hours of work, this is normal - for now. So, taking the cue from my body and brain, I have cut back my expectations and my work hours. But this is so difficult! I am so used to pushing myself that pulling back is totally unnatural for me. It feels like awakening an unused muscle in my brain, if there is such a thing. Oh well, this is good training for me in reducing stress.
This is my final blog entry. By the grace of God and through your prayers and support, we have come to the end of this journey with my healing and many blessings! It has truly been a wonderful adventure of the soul. There is no other way to experience certain truths except through trials - the PEACE that surpasses understanding, the JOY of being in God's presence in the midst of adversity, the amazing GRACE that is sufficient for all our trials, the power of PRAYER, the FAITH that heals the sick, and the LOVE of family and friends tested by time and trials. Looking back, I still think that I got more out of this trial than what it took out of me.
This experience was no walk in the park though. And since I believe in squeezing all I can learn out of a difficult situation, I would like to share some of the lessons I learned along the way. This way, I get to maximize the return on my painful "tuition fee". Here they are:
1) Priorities. Nothing clarifies our priorities better than seeing the end of one's life. As a Christian who was about to meet her Maker, the only thing I could think of was, "What will God say about me?" Everything that seemed important in life faded into the shadow of His majesty. At that point, I wished that I had done more for the Lord. And if I was given a chance to live longer, I knew that I want to spend more time with my family and love them more than I do. Be clear on one's priorities in life and live accordingly.
2) Prayer. Make the most of the amazing power of prayer. In addition to praying for ourselves, praying for others can change another person's circumstances. I am living proof of the power of intercessory prayers. Unleash the power of prayer for ourselves and others.
3) Blessings. I did not know that having Leukemia was a means to channel many blessings to me and my family. Many blessings come in ugly packages.
4) Planning for the future. I realized the I have spent too much time planning for retirement and too little time thinking about post-retirement. Ironically, I may not even live long enough to enjoy the retirement I was planning for, but I will definitely get into post-retirement mode sooner or later.
5) Investments. In terms of investing for the future, I realized that my best investments all these years have been whatever was given to the church or people in need. Their value never goes down and they more than double their value immediately. The value multiplies in terms of blessing the recipient and the giver, and they are credited to our bank account in heaven. Nothing can beat that kind of return.
6) Good health. In the fast food lifestyle that many of us have been accustomed to, I realized that I have often exchanged good health for convenience. In the long run, we may end up giving back all the time we saved by lying in some hospital bed somewhere or worse, with a shortened lifespan. I know better now.
7) Good health and cancer. Even though a healthy lifestyle does not guarantee a cancer-free life, it does make one better equipped to deal with the treatment(s). My doctors were relieved to know that I was in good health before I was diagnosed with Leukemia. It must have made their job less difficult.
8) Health Insurance. For those of us living in the US, having a good health insurance is so important. With the high cost of health care, we never know what could happen to our health that may wipe out our savings. So, be prepared.
9) Family. Our family is a gift from God. No matter what type of family one has, our family has helped shape us into who we are. They have been there for us through good times and bad. Once again, I am reminded of how blessed I am with my family. Remember to thank God for our family.
10) Friendship. Friendship is also a gift from God. We never truly realize our friends' value until we're "hit by a truck". I was amazed at how many of my friends have turned out to be such gems. My spirits have been lifted so much by the outpouring of love and support. Even friends I have not been in touch with in ages suddenly showed up with words of encouragement, prayers, and food (they know me well. ha! ha!). I really felt like I won the lottery. Remember to thank God for our friends.
11) Kindness. I realized that even small gestures of kindness mean a lot to people who are going through tough times.
12) Faith. This experience has deepened my faith in our loving God. Once again, I am reminded that even if His ways do not make sense to me, He loves me more than I can understand and He is in control. Trusting that He is doing whatever is best for me according to His purpose, and that all things will work out for good has helped me rest in His care. Faith has made a big difference in my battle with cancer - no tears of sadness but only tears of joy. To His glory!
My hope is that you get to experience the love of God through the saving grace in Jesus, the joy of being in God's presence, and the peace that comes from casting our cares upon Him and trusting that He will take care of us.
My family and I would like to extend our deepest gratitude to all of you who have come alongside us during these challenging months. Your prayers have been answered. Your food have been gratefully consumed (yum!). Your phone calls and emails have lifted my spirits. Your visits have brightened up my days. Your jokes, funny books and dvds were the best medicine. Your inspirational cds and books have comforted and inspired me. Your advice were appreciated. Your practical books saved me thousands of dollars. But most of all, your love and friendship will always be treasured in our hearts. I hope to see you all one day and thank you personally for contributing to my healing, and for making this adventure as spiritually enjoyable as it had been. May God continue to bless you and your family!
Let me close with one of my favorite hymns. (You're so lucky you cannot hear me sing this. :-)
My Tribute / To God be the Glory
How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved, yet You give to prove your love for me.
The voices of a million angels, could not express my gratitude.
All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee.
To God be the glory. To God be the glory.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.
With His blood, He has saved me.
By His power, He has raised me.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.
Just let me live my life, and let it be pleasing, Lord, to Thee.
And should I gain any praise, let it go to Calvary.
With His blood, He has saved me.
By His power, He has raised me.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.
Monday, May 17, 2010
5/18/2010 - Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Our God is an awesome God! I got the biopsy results last Wednesday - it was clean! I expected to have only good news, but it was still a relief to hear the official word from the doctor. It is finally over.
The doctor gave me a work release order, meaning I am allowed to go back to work. From here on, I will just have to see my doctor every month for the first 6 months, then it will taper off to once every 6 months, and then just an annual check-up.
When I was walking back to my car, I had to fight back tears of joy, relief and gratitude. The last nine months have been challenging, but full of grace and mercy from our God. This was undoubtedly the result of the power of prayer - lots of prayer! Prayers from my loving family, relatives, friends, people I met at hospitals, and people I don't know personally in different churches, prayer groups and small groups.
This is also a testimony of how great it is to be in the family of God. The family spans nations, cultures and denominations, all brought together through the precious blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. I can just imagine what it will be like when we all get to heaven - people of all nations worshiping the one true God. The best party ever!
God answers prayers. Your prayers have made a big difference in how my family and I experienced the long road to recovery. These are just some of the many answered prayers we have witnessed:
- My cancer was in remission only after one round of chemo. Many people have to wait several months and even longer to get into remission.
- I did not undergo many of the most common side effects from chemotherapy: nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite and various infections. Even my mouth sore was very mild compare to what other people had to go through.
- During the flu season, when many people were catching the cold, flu and H1N1 virus, our family was spared from all of it except for Ellie who had a mild case of cold that lasted only a few days.
- There were many days when I felt too weak to prepare anything for dinner, and someone would either call to bring us dinner or just show up at our front door with food. The timing was just perfect. Many thanks to Cristina, Bessie, Alvina, Nora, Marlene, Jean/Williamson and Sandy.
- The catheter on my chest was inserted without any problems, and it remained free from infection throughout the nine months! This is quite unusual.
- Our family had remained happy and positive throughout these nine months. Robert was solid as a rock. The children also remained happy even if they understood the seriousness of my illness. There were some disappointments along the way, but we believe all things will work out for the best. Even during challenging times, we were always grateful for the many blessings we experienced everyday.
I have been busy getting ready to go back to work - coordinating with the head office and my assistant, attending continuing education classes to re-activate my license, etc. I just received a call from the head office to let me know that my office has been re-registered and I can go back to work tomorrow. Yikes! I don't think I am quite ready to go back to work yet. Well, at least, my hair is now presentable to clients - vanity!
I know what many of you are thinking. Yes, I will try to take it easy. Although I am officially in remission, I am still recovering from the onslaught of toxic chemicals in my body. Chemotherapy is really brutal. I can still feel the effects every now and then. I can't wait to get back to being in good health. Please continue to pray for my family as we transition to our new reality, that I will be restored to good health, and for me not to strain myself - it is my personal weakness/bad habit.
That's it for now. I will share the lessons I learned in a few days. It is my hope others will benefit from my experience. Thank you once again for your prayers and may God bless you all.
The doctor gave me a work release order, meaning I am allowed to go back to work. From here on, I will just have to see my doctor every month for the first 6 months, then it will taper off to once every 6 months, and then just an annual check-up.
When I was walking back to my car, I had to fight back tears of joy, relief and gratitude. The last nine months have been challenging, but full of grace and mercy from our God. This was undoubtedly the result of the power of prayer - lots of prayer! Prayers from my loving family, relatives, friends, people I met at hospitals, and people I don't know personally in different churches, prayer groups and small groups.
This is also a testimony of how great it is to be in the family of God. The family spans nations, cultures and denominations, all brought together through the precious blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. I can just imagine what it will be like when we all get to heaven - people of all nations worshiping the one true God. The best party ever!
God answers prayers. Your prayers have made a big difference in how my family and I experienced the long road to recovery. These are just some of the many answered prayers we have witnessed:
- My cancer was in remission only after one round of chemo. Many people have to wait several months and even longer to get into remission.
- I did not undergo many of the most common side effects from chemotherapy: nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite and various infections. Even my mouth sore was very mild compare to what other people had to go through.
- During the flu season, when many people were catching the cold, flu and H1N1 virus, our family was spared from all of it except for Ellie who had a mild case of cold that lasted only a few days.
- There were many days when I felt too weak to prepare anything for dinner, and someone would either call to bring us dinner or just show up at our front door with food. The timing was just perfect. Many thanks to Cristina, Bessie, Alvina, Nora, Marlene, Jean/Williamson and Sandy.
- The catheter on my chest was inserted without any problems, and it remained free from infection throughout the nine months! This is quite unusual.
- Our family had remained happy and positive throughout these nine months. Robert was solid as a rock. The children also remained happy even if they understood the seriousness of my illness. There were some disappointments along the way, but we believe all things will work out for the best. Even during challenging times, we were always grateful for the many blessings we experienced everyday.
I have been busy getting ready to go back to work - coordinating with the head office and my assistant, attending continuing education classes to re-activate my license, etc. I just received a call from the head office to let me know that my office has been re-registered and I can go back to work tomorrow. Yikes! I don't think I am quite ready to go back to work yet. Well, at least, my hair is now presentable to clients - vanity!
I know what many of you are thinking. Yes, I will try to take it easy. Although I am officially in remission, I am still recovering from the onslaught of toxic chemicals in my body. Chemotherapy is really brutal. I can still feel the effects every now and then. I can't wait to get back to being in good health. Please continue to pray for my family as we transition to our new reality, that I will be restored to good health, and for me not to strain myself - it is my personal weakness/bad habit.
That's it for now. I will share the lessons I learned in a few days. It is my hope others will benefit from my experience. Thank you once again for your prayers and may God bless you all.
Friday, April 30, 2010
4/30/2010 - Inital Biopsy Results
I can't believe it has been a month since my last update! Sorry for the long silence. After our vacation, I got distracted by tax preparation and other stuff - some important, some not so important :-(
We had a wonderful time in Carlasbad and San Diego. The kids enjoyed visiting Legoland and getting their "driver's license" again - their favorite activity there. Other memorable experiences include: having a close-up look at a cheetah's face at the Wild Animal park - they actually look beautiful, feeding lorikeets at the San Diego Zoo - the kids had a blast, touching sea creatures at the Birch Aquarium, observing seals sunbathing in La Jolla - those lazy bums look so cute!, strolling at the Flower Fields in Carlsbad - acres of beautiful flowers!, playing in the Science Museum - wish learning was this much fun when I was a kid, watching model trains go in the Railroad Museum, and last but not least, relaxing by the beach. It was all very nice. We even discovered a couple of good restaurants - yum!
We celebrated Easter in Carlsbad. It was another time to reflect on the great price that was paid for our salvation. This Easter was more significant for me, because I felt like I have been redeemed, not just once, but twice! The blood of Christ that washed away my sins also washed away the cancer cells in my body. Praise God!
The initial results of the biopsy came out normal! Yay! Thank God and thank you for your prayers. Now we just have to wait for the final results. We will know about it in the next 2 weeks. The technicians have to culture the cells to find out if they will mutate to bad cells. The doctor is optimistic that it will come out normal as well, but does not want me to go back to work until the results are back. I'm not complaining.
It will be so nice to get back to normal, though. No more trips to the hospital at least once a week! No more blood draws and port dressing changes! I can't wait to get the ports out of my chest. My skin is getting rashes from the adhesive used to protect it. They already used the mildest form of adhesive available, so all I can do is try not to scratch too hard. The doctor has prescribed a cream I can apply. I'll be picking it up later. Despite the discomfort, I am thankful that it has remained uninfected all these months. I have heard bad stories about infections, even if the patient has been careful. Another answered prayer - thank God and thank you.
At this point, my family is getting ready to embark on the next leg of our journey. We can see this adventure ending in a few weeks, and a new adventure unfolding in the future. We do not know what it will be like, but we have learned to just let go and follow God's leading. Having Leukemia was no laughing matter, but we had many good laughs along the way. Our family has grown much closer, and the kids really enjoyed having me around the house. We are all a little sad that I will be going back to work, because it means I will be spending less time with the family. On the other hand, we are also looking forward to the new adventures ahead, including where to go and what to do during the summer break. Life goes on. I hope the lessons we learned during this period will not go to waste. I will share these lessons with you in a future blog.
Please continue to pray that the test results will come out normal, and that my body will be able to get rid of all the toxins and recover fully from the chemo treatments. Please also pray that we will be able to adjust well to the new reality when I go back to work. Thank you all very much for your concern and prayers. May God continue to bless you and your family.
We had a wonderful time in Carlasbad and San Diego. The kids enjoyed visiting Legoland and getting their "driver's license" again - their favorite activity there. Other memorable experiences include: having a close-up look at a cheetah's face at the Wild Animal park - they actually look beautiful, feeding lorikeets at the San Diego Zoo - the kids had a blast, touching sea creatures at the Birch Aquarium, observing seals sunbathing in La Jolla - those lazy bums look so cute!, strolling at the Flower Fields in Carlsbad - acres of beautiful flowers!, playing in the Science Museum - wish learning was this much fun when I was a kid, watching model trains go in the Railroad Museum, and last but not least, relaxing by the beach. It was all very nice. We even discovered a couple of good restaurants - yum!
We celebrated Easter in Carlsbad. It was another time to reflect on the great price that was paid for our salvation. This Easter was more significant for me, because I felt like I have been redeemed, not just once, but twice! The blood of Christ that washed away my sins also washed away the cancer cells in my body. Praise God!
The initial results of the biopsy came out normal! Yay! Thank God and thank you for your prayers. Now we just have to wait for the final results. We will know about it in the next 2 weeks. The technicians have to culture the cells to find out if they will mutate to bad cells. The doctor is optimistic that it will come out normal as well, but does not want me to go back to work until the results are back. I'm not complaining.
It will be so nice to get back to normal, though. No more trips to the hospital at least once a week! No more blood draws and port dressing changes! I can't wait to get the ports out of my chest. My skin is getting rashes from the adhesive used to protect it. They already used the mildest form of adhesive available, so all I can do is try not to scratch too hard. The doctor has prescribed a cream I can apply. I'll be picking it up later. Despite the discomfort, I am thankful that it has remained uninfected all these months. I have heard bad stories about infections, even if the patient has been careful. Another answered prayer - thank God and thank you.
At this point, my family is getting ready to embark on the next leg of our journey. We can see this adventure ending in a few weeks, and a new adventure unfolding in the future. We do not know what it will be like, but we have learned to just let go and follow God's leading. Having Leukemia was no laughing matter, but we had many good laughs along the way. Our family has grown much closer, and the kids really enjoyed having me around the house. We are all a little sad that I will be going back to work, because it means I will be spending less time with the family. On the other hand, we are also looking forward to the new adventures ahead, including where to go and what to do during the summer break. Life goes on. I hope the lessons we learned during this period will not go to waste. I will share these lessons with you in a future blog.
Please continue to pray that the test results will come out normal, and that my body will be able to get rid of all the toxins and recover fully from the chemo treatments. Please also pray that we will be able to adjust well to the new reality when I go back to work. Thank you all very much for your concern and prayers. May God continue to bless you and your family.
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