8/3/2011 - Happy Birthday to Me!

I had my transplant exactly one year ago, so today is my first second birthday, and it falls on the third day of the month.  That sounds funny - first, second and third.  It is hard to believe that it has already been a year!  As they say, time flies when you’re having fun.  Now, in addition to celebrating two wedding anniversaries a year, I get to celebrate two birthdays, too!  Did I mention I like celebrations? :-)  

I still have check-ups every two weeks.  I had my last one today.  The test results were good, except for some rejection in the form of hives.  Yes, I still have it.  Still scratching every now and then, but the medications help to keep it tolerable.  I am taking immune suppressants and steroids for it.  I hope to get off the medication soon, because prolonged use of the drugs can be bad for the liver and kidneys. 

According to my doctor, one year anniversary is an important milestone, because it means I have a better chance of not having a relapse.  Most relapses occur on the first or second year.  When I get to the two-year mark, there will be a 95% chance that I won’t have a relapse.  And when I hit the five-year mark, it will be unlikely that I will have a relapse the rest of my life.  I can’t wait to get to the five-year mark!

I no longer have any food restrictions (yay!), but still need to be careful with bacteria (sashimi, rare steak, etc.)  I am now allowed to get on a plane, but only within the United States.  Longer flights mean being exposed to dirty, recycled air for a longer period of time – not a good thing.  Traveling to third world countries is also prohibited because I still need my shots.  I have to be immunized all over again, just like a baby!  Waaah!   My doctor doesn’t want me to get any shots yet until I am stronger.  I am in no hurry.  Waaah!

The doctor just gave me the okay to go back to work part time.  At this point, I am not sure if and when I will be going to work. I feel that this is not the time to go back to work yet, partly because we have a couple of vacations lined up in the coming months.  Robert and I are prayerfully waiting for God’s leading in this area.

This will be the last entry in my blog.  The last two years have been quite an adventure for us.  One of my dear friends who recently passed away wished that my journey will be a wonderful adventure of the soul - he got his wish.  I cannot thank you enough for all your support and prayers.  My family and I were helped in many ways by your prayers and well wishes.  We also remember those who went out of their way to send food, gifts, cards, books, cds and dvds.  Your phone calls and visits had also brightened my days.  Thank you for joining our family in this adventure. 

As bad as this journey had seemed to most people, I still think that I got more out of this experience than it had taken out of me.  I have many happy memories and very few bad ones.  I have learned so much about the human body and how to live a healthier lifestyle.  I got a better understanding of the important things in life, basked in the love of family and friends, and experienced the love and grace of God in a whole new level.

Like many people, I have read and heard Psalm 23 countless times.  However, the words are more meaningful to me now.  There were times I had to meditate on the Psalm to get me through some difficulties.  I want to share these words of comfort with you:

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.  He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

As we move on with our lives, please continue praying for my complete healing from the hives, that I will not have a relapse, and protection from any other side effects from the treatments such as secondary forms of cancer or liver or kidney failure.  Please also pray that I will be able to discern what God wants me to do in the next chapter of my life.  

When we think of this journey and what we went through together, may we be reminded of the unchanging love and goodness of our God, and the power of prayer.   To God be the glory, now and forever!

Thank you again for your prayers.  It is my hope that I will be able to visit you all and thank you personally.  In the meantime, we’ll keep in touch by email or Facebook.  Until we meet again, may God continue to bless you and your family!

8/3/2011 - I Dreamed a Dream

I would like to share a dream with you.  I think you may find it interesting.  I started writing about it a couple of months ago, but kept on getting sidetracked.  I finally finished writing about it.  Happy reading!  You were in my dream…

It was several days before my stem cell transplant.  I was reasonably anxious about the whole thing. I knew the potential side effects that may come out of it, including a 15% chance that I may die from the procedure.  One night, I had this dream:

My husband and I were taking a walk one gloomy afternoon. I seemed weak, holding on to my husband as we walked. We were probably in an old town somewhere in Europe - cobblestones and old architecture all around.  We turned the corner and continued walking onto a small plaza. There was a row of small apartments to our right.  As I looked at the apartments, I was surprised to see through the doors and walls.  It was like having Superman's x-ray vision!  

As we walked past the apartments, I saw sick people wearing white hospital gowns in every one of them.  I was surprised to see my assistant in one of the rooms, but she was wearing a colored outfit.  Hmmm… what was she doing there?  After a few more sick people, I walked past a room with a skeleton sitting up in bed! I got scared, so I told my husband I want to go home already.  

We were almost at the end of the plaza.  My husband turned the corner and crossed over to the other side.  My x-ray vision was gone.  We walked a very short distance down the left side of the plaza and I  saw an old church.  To my surprise, my husband opened the door of the church to let me in.  We were supposed to go home, not to church!  I remember thinking, “This is home?!”

It was a medium-sized church - smaller than a cathedral, bigger than a chapel.  As we entered through the right door, I saw a priest swinging a censer behind the left door. I wondered why a priest would burn incense behind the entrance and not in front of the church. Strange…

My husband led me to a small room by the entrance of the church.  I remember thinking, “Home is a room in this church?”   As I turned to go in, I glanced at the front of the church.  I saw rows of people wearing what seemed to be choir gowns.  They were all standing and facing the front.  I also noticed that there was nobody in front.  Who are these people and what are they doing?  I was puzzled as I entered “home”.  The door closed behind us and that was the end of the dream.

When I woke up in the morning, the dream was very clear in my mind.  For someone who rarely remembers any dream, this dream was one of the most vivid and strange in my life.  But what does it mean?  Who are all the people I saw in the apartments?  Why was my assistant there, among the sick people?  Why was there a skeleton?  Does it mean death?  Whose death? Was that a warning?  Why was our home in a church?  What was the significance of the incense?  Who are all the people in the dream?  What were they doing there? 

Many possible interpretations went through my mind.  I did not share any of these with you back then, because I didn’t want to guess at the meaning.  As you can see, some interpretations of this dream can be scary.  Some people have the gift of interpreting dreams, and I am not one of them.

Over the next few months, I slowly came to understand what the dream meant. I may be wrong, but it sure makes a lot of sense to me now.  Here it is: My loving husband is my greatest help during these trying times. The sick people I saw in the apartments were the sick people at the hospital.  The skeleton was one of the patients I met who told me that her doctor said that she will die in a couple of months. I had a hard time with that.  To make a new friend and know that she won’t be around much longer was difficult for me.  My assistant must be visiting someone.  She had told me that her aunt and her best friend’s father were fighting cancer, too.  

I liked having our home was in a church, even if it was only in a dream.  To live in the presence of God is the best thing one could aspire for.  I guess that's why God saves the best for last – we only get there after we die.  J 

Now we get to my favorite part of the dream.  I found out during a bible study that incense represents prayers.  The people standing there were all the people who were praying for my healing and for our family throughout this journey.  You were in my dream!  Your prayers were rising up to God just like the sweet smell of incense.  My family and I cannot thank you enough for your prayers!  Now that was a nice interpretation of my dream, wasn't it?

Thank you once again for your concern, prayers and well wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

3/23/2011 - Seven Months and Counting

Just as some of you thought I was going to fade out of the "digital airwaves",  here I am again!   It sure has been a long time since my last update.  I'm glad most people know by now that with me, "no news is good news".  And that is true.  If something were to go wrong, I would most likely get on a platform, sound the trumpet and ask for prayers galore!

My check-up last Wednesday went well.  The doctor said I am doing "very well" and I have nothing to worry about.  That has been the ongoing theme for several months now, in spite of the hives.  Yes, the hives have been bothering me for a while now.  It is the only sign of rejection (graft versus host disease) that I have.  The doctor is glad to see some rejection, though.  It may go away soon or last a long time, the doctor doesn't know because it is different for everyone.  My skin, eyes and scalp gets itchy from time to time.  During good days, they are just a minor source of irritation.  During bad days, it keeps me up at night even with medication.  Fortunately, there are more good days now than bad days.  If you're having visions of monkeys scratching themselves, you're on the right track!  ooh! ooh! aah! aah!

The doctor finally put me back on a regular diet!  Yay!  He did warn me not to go overboard, though.  I can now have salad that's not prepared at home, yogurt, strawberries, etc.  That was great news!

"Woman overboard!"  I thought having a hot seafood tofu soup would be safe, even if it had oysters in it.  It may have been safe, but I forgot about all the appetizers they give you in a Korean restaurant.  My friend and I enjoyed our lunch yesterday.  But when I got home, my bad stomach reminded me of the oysters and the fresh salad, kimchi, bean sprouts and pickled seaweeds I had with it.  I also ordered my soup medium (spicy by American standards).  Oops!  I guess I went overboard.  I should really be more careful.

One improvement last month was the removal of the PICC line from my arm.  It is a tube that was inserted through my upper arm to a large vein close to my heart.  The line was put in when I was hospitalized.  It was used to draw blood and to give infusions. The doctor decided to remove the line, because my check-ups have been consistently good and the line is only being used to draw blood every two weeks.  Finally - no more rubber sleeves when taking a shower, flushing the line everyday, and being concerned about possible infection in the line!  Now, I just have to get poked each time I go for check-ups.  Ouch!

The doctor did not reduce my medication at all since I last wrote.  He actually increased my immune suppressant by one pill because of the hives.  Not a big deal, but I would really like to be able to cut back on my medication to protect my kidneys and liver.

My hair is growing back.  It is all curly and fine.  This is normal.  I guess chemo drugs can be a substitute for perms.  It lasts about a year, too - much longer than perms!   I don't like how my hair looks right now.  It reminds me too much of the afro look. :-|  But it is sure beats not having any hair!  Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let me have some of your hair!

I get asked this question a lot: am I working now?  Nope, not until one year after transplant (8/4/11), at the earliest.  One year post-transplant is standard, but the doctor may ask for a longer leave depending on my condition.  I am no hurry.  I am presently enjoying my extended "staycation" (medical leave).  Another FAQ: Will I go back to my old job?  I don't know.  I don't know what I will be doing when the doctor says I'm good to go.  I am just waiting for God's leading in this area.  And it could be anything...  

Life is essentially back to normal with my family.  We enjoy our time together much more nowadays for obvious reasons.  Please continue to pray for us - my hives, medication, complete recovery, and protection from the cold and flu virus for all of us.  

Tokyo is going through so much these days.  The earthquake, tsunami and the extent of the damage is really scary.  As I pray for Japan, I can't help praying for God's mercy on us.  Our time may come - thinking of the "big one" overdue here in California.  For now, I am thankful.  Thankful for today, thankful for our safety, thankful for family and friends, thankful for your prayers, thankful for abundant blessings, thankful for being happy.

This is the season of Lent.  I hope we all pause for a moment in our busy lives to consider the great sacrifice for our salvation.  In retrospect, what I went through the last 2 years is nothing compared to what Jesus allowed Himself to go through for me.  Whatever we go through in life, no matter how tough, is part of living in this world - we gotta take the good with the bad.  Jesus didn't have to come to this imperfect world and suffer, but he did, and He made all the difference - in my life, in my family's life, and I hope, also in your lives.

Thank you so much for all your prayers.  May God continue to bless you and your family.

12/25/2010 - Celebrations

My family and I would like to wish you and your family a wonderful and memorable Christmas and all the best blessings for the new year!

It is a real blessing to have family, friends and Christian brothers and sisters we don't even know praying for us during our challenging adventure and sending us well wishes.  From Thanksgiving to Christmas, you have often been in our prayers as we offer special thanks to God for all of you.  You continue to be one of the main reasons why we are able to enjoy our lives despite the circumstances.  You have contributed to my healing and my family's emotional and spiritual well-being all these months. This has been a long journey.  One that is physically and emotionally challenging, but one that is as easy as it could have been because of what you have done.  Once again, we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts and pray that God will richly bless you and your family.

My check-ups continue to be good.  The doctor has reduced my check-ups from once a week to once every two weeks.  I have less hives now, so he may start reducing my medication again next week.

Since my last blog entry, life has gotten from busy to busier, as I'm sure many of you have been experiencing.  In my case, life has been busy catching up with household stuff due to my prolonged "vacation" in the hospital.   I am not good with housekeeping and excellent in procrastinating when it comes to these things, so I will be playing catch up for a long time.  I have also been busy with celebrations - my favorite kind of busyness!  he! he!  Just thought I'd share some with you:

- My 100th day post-transplant (11/11/2010) came and went without any challenges.  So, we celebrated with my sister and friends who have been extra helpful during my recovery.  We had a multi-purpose party: 100th day post-transplant, thanking friends, birthdays and going away party for my sister!   Many good reasons to pig out! :-)

- Celebrating sisterhood.  My sister, Verna, came to help us out the last few months.  We will be forever grateful for her help, and thank God that she is in our lives.  Knowing that she will not be here with us for a long time, I have been busy enjoying her company while she was here.  Verna left for Manila on Thanksgiving day.  We miss her and look forward to her next visit.

- Friendships.  An old friend and former co-worker visited from Vancouver.  That was enough excuse to round up former coworkers and friends in the area. It is always nice to catch up with old friends.

- Thanksgiving day...so many reasons to be thankful (including you!), and more yummy food!  Need I say more? :-)

- Our 23rd wedding anniversary!  Rob and I have not been married 23 years, but we had two weddings - a civil wedding in St. John (one of the U.S. Virgin Islands) and a church wedding in Manila. We celebrate both every year, so technically it is our 23rd anniversary. ha! ha!  Did I say I love celebrations? :-)

- Family R&R.  We just came back from a short vacation a couple of days ago.  We went to Ventura county exploring Santa Barbara, Oxnard and vicinity.  It rained most of the time we were there, so instead of lounging by the beach, hiking in Channel Islands and sightseeing, we ended up lounging in the townhouse (rental), did some sightseeing and explored museums and Christmas spectacles in the area. There were many pleasant surprises, lots of laughter and much relaxation - very nice vacation!   As Douglas McArthur once said,  "(We) shall return."

- Christmas...a time to reflect on the reason for the season...a time to be busy looking for the best gifts and sending greetings to those who matter most in our lives.  It is the time of year when we celebrate Jesus, family and friends - relationships that enrich our lives on so many ways...God's gifts to us.

Once again, we wish you the best of the season and a happy new year.  Thank you for your love, your friendship, your prayers and your well wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

11/2/2010 - Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my birthday.  And boy, did I have a happy birthday!  Nothing spectacular happened on my birthday, but it was one of the best birthdays I ever had.  Part of it had to do with the gratitude of having survived to celebrate another year of life.  Part of it had to do with being able to celebrate it with my family.  And a lot of it had to do with all the love I received on my special day.

The day started with lots of hugs and kisses from my family. Katie and Ellie gave me their homemade cards - they are the best kind!  I started receiving calls and texts from friends and relatives who remembered my birthday.  That made for a great start for the day.

My sister went with me to the City of Hope for my regular Monday morning check-up.  I got plenty of greetings from the nurses, scheduler, and also my doctor.  Some of them sang the birthday song and even came up with a makeshift birthday cake and candle (a piece of brownie topped with a chocolate kiss).  I see them all so often that we have come to know each other better.  It is very nice to have such wonderful people take care of me all these months.  Once again, I cannot say enough good things about the care I receive(d) both as an inpatient and outpatient at the City of Hope.  Truly an excellent organization made up of outstanding professionals.

While waiting for my name to be called at the hospital,  I used my new netbook (my hubby's gift) to check my email and log in to Facebook.  To my pleasant surprise, there were already many greetings from relatives and friends from all over. The rest of the day was filled with more greetings and even a home made cheesecake from Bessie!  Delicious!  Now if that doesn't warm one's heart, I don't know what will.  I was so touched by the outpouring of love from my family, friends and relatives. 

Now, what's a birthday celebration without food?  Thanks to your prayers, I was allowed to eat in restaurants  on my birthday.  I usually take a day off from cooking on my birthday and on Mother's Day, so that worked out well.  We went to a couple of our favorite restaurants for lunch and dinner.

I feel so blessed to have a really nice family and relatives, and doubly blessed to have so many wonderful friends.  The best gift I got today was the reminder of how much richer my life has been because of the friends I've made along the way.  I can think of many fun, funny and fond memories with them.  Of course, there were also many challenges we had to go through that made our friendships stronger, but it is the bond and the good memories that I cherish most.  Oh, no!  I am beginning to sound like an old person!  I used to think nostalgia is for old people.  Oh well, we'll all get there sooner or later.  It's just great to be alive - young or old. :-)

The Lord continues to grant our request for an uneventful 100 days, and for my recovery.  The check-up went well.  The doctor was happy with the test results.  It didn't bother him that I was fighting a mild cold, some hives and a mild upset stomach.  He even allowed me to eat in restaurants.  As usual, if the doctor is happy, so am I.  I am scheduled to have another biopsy next week.  They normally take another biopsy near the 100th day to see whether all the cancer cells are gone.  Please pray that the biopsy will come out clean, and that I will get over the cold, hives and upset stomach.

Also please remember to thank God for His goodness.  Each time I go to for my check-up, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have to go through so little considering my situation.  A fellow patient I met at the hospital who also had AML is having a hard time recovering.  Although her sister was her transplant donor, and she went home a week before I did, she still cannot eat well because of nausea and problems with her digestion.  She had several blood and platelet transfusions.  On top of that, she even had spinal taps (that's painful) and was required to have chemo every other week for the next six months!  I really felt bad for her.  She is my age and also has two children.  It must be very tough on her.  There are many other stories of what other patients are going through as I meet them at the waiting area.  I cannot help letting out a "Thank you, Lord!" under my breath each time I hear about what other people had to go through, because "there, but for the grace of God, go I". 

Thank you all very much, because I know that without your prayers, the road would have been rougher for me and my family.  Please do not underestimate the impact your prayers have on our lives.  We certainly don't.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

10/13/2010 - Speedy Recovery

I can't believe it has been a month since I last posted an entry!  My apologies to anyone out there who got  concerned about my well-being due to my long silence. 

My check-ups have been good all this time.  The only issue I had was that a certain virus called CMV for short (I don't remember the long version of the name) came out in a blood test.  It is similar to the chicken pox virus - most people have it, but it leaves us alone unless our immune system is weakened.  I had to take an IV medication for that, and it was gone in a week.  I continue to take it just as a precaution.  The IV med was quite interesting.  It looks like the lemon juice sold in lemon-shaped containers in supermarkets, but with a tube coming out of one end to attach to my PICC line (port).  The "lemon" becomes smaller as the medication goes into my system.  Once it is finished, I just take it off myself.  So easy.  I love technology! 

I will be going for my check-up again tomorrow morning.  The doctor has been very happy with my progress, so I do not expect it to be any different tomorrow.  The doctor continues to reduce my medications, and I continue to feel better.  God continues to be gracious to me and my family.  Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

So what has been keeping me busy these days?  Partying!  :-)  Not really.  I spend two mornings a week at the hospital for check-ups.  Then, it is mostly activities revolving around food - grocery shopping, cooking, eating and cleaning up.  Since I cannot eat restaurant food, I had to prepare most meals by myself.  Takeout food has taken a backseat to my culinary skills (or lack thereof).  :-)  It feels good to feed my family our favorite foods again.  Then, there's the visits to the dentist and optometrist for myself and the kids, and some shopping (yes!). 

I read something interesting recently.  Apparently, spending 10 minutes a day to meditate, pray, or just clear the mind and do nothing can make a big difference in managing stress.  There is some positive physical effect on the  body, but I don't remember what it is anymore - blame it on my chemo brain.  :-| 

Another interesting thing I read recently.   If you know anyone who has cancer, you can help them by trying to make them laugh or get them to be happy.  Apparently, a recent study has shown that cancer patients who are positive and happy tend to recover faster than patients who are down, worried or depressed.  The mental and emotional state of the person has a lot to do with the body's ability to recover.

Thank you all for your continued support through your prayers and well-wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family. 

9/15/2010 - Happiness

Happiness is getting good results during check-ups.  My biopsy came out clean!  My blood count had been normal for over a week now, but I am immune compromised.  I am still on immune suppressants and steroids to take care of any GVHD / rejection.  The doctor has started reducing my medications because he says I am doing very well.  When the doctor is happy with my condition, I am happy.  I see the doctor twice a week for check-ups. 

I have recovered from my zombie state.  Now, I can do some chores around the house, cook my family's favorite foods, and go out shopping (mostly just for food).  I still can't stay out too much in the sun or be exposed to crowded places and I am still on low bacteria diet plus some other restrictions, but I am not complaining.  This beats staying in the hospital any day.  It is so nice to go back to a somewhat normal life again!  Even washing dishes felt like a privilege after being unable to do these seemingly mundane chores.  Just goes to show what a little change in perspective can do.

Happiness is being home with my family. After spending 2 months away from them, I have a renewed appreciation for my husband and my children.  My loving husband did a wonderful job being Superdad while I was gone.  He managed to keep everything as close to normal for our kids as possible - not an easy feat.  Feels great knowing that the man I married is someone I have grown to love even more over the years.  As for my girls, they can't get enough hugs and kisses from mommy.  No worries there.  I have infinite supply.  Katie's second name is Grace, and Ellie's is Joy.  They are truly God's grace and joy to Rob and I.

Happiness is having my sister here with us.  My sister, Verna, is in town to be my "designated caregiver".  A designated caregiver is someone who helps the patient with day-to-day activities and to rush the patient to the hospital during emergencies.  In my case, because I am doing so well, her role is to rush me to the emergency room any time should the need arise.  I am serious.  The hospital wanted to know who will be available for the job before sending me home.  I do not expect to have to go through that, but it is better be prepared for the worst.  In the meantime, I am enjoying the company of my sister.  For those who have sisters, you know what a treat this is!  I call her my "angel", sent by God to watch over me last year, and again this year.  How blessed am I?

Happiness is being able to enjoy food again!  I am singing "Food, Glorious Food!" (from Ice Age) in my mind.  My taste buds were muted when I came out of the hospital.  I was also under a more stringent diet restriction then.  I still can't eat restaurant food, but I can have home cooked meals.  My taste buds have come back to life, so I have been indulging myself with my favorite home cooked food. Yum!

Happiness is having all of you praying for me and my family.  We would not have been able to fare so well all these months were it not for your prayers.  God continues to shine His grace upon our family, and we are very thankful to be back in each other's arms again.

Thank you for very much for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!

9/3/2010 - Home Sweet Home

I came home last Thursday, as expected, but have been silent since then because I have been enjoying time with the family and also time with my nephew, Kelvin.  He came all the way from Toronto to help us out.  It was such a blessing to have Kelvin around.  I was feeling fatigued when I came home, and Kelvin just spoiled me rotten.  Now that he has gone home, it is back to reality for me.  he! he!

After coming home, I spent most days in bed because I started having hives a few days later.  The hives would flare up at night and keep me from having a good night's rest.  Good thing I was in my own bed, and not in a hospital bed.  That would just make me miserable!  The doctor said that the hives is a form of GVHD (graft versus host disease), and that it is actually good that I had some, because it shows that the transplant was effective.  Guess I should be thankful for it.  Now that I have been given steroids, I was able to sleep well last night.  No more walking around like a zombie during the day! 

I have to go for check-ups twice a week.  So far, my blood count has been good, and the doctor seems happy with my progress.  I had a bone marrow biopsy yesterday.  We'll know the results in a couple of weeks. Now, if the hives will die down even as the doctor reduces my medication, that would just be perfect.  I still have until November 11 to be out of the critical stage.  The first 100 days after transplant are critical because anything can go wrong.  So, I am being extra careful.  There are many restrictions - no restaurant food, no salads, no fruits with soft skin like berries, no leftovers over 14 hours, no exposure to dust or animals, no crowded places, etc.  The good thing is that I can eat real food now, as long as it's home cooked.  Thanks to Kelvin, Nora, Cristina and Bessie, our family remains well-fed even if I haven't started cooking yet.  Hopefully, I get to sleep well at night from here on, so I can start acting like a human being again, not just some zombie walking around our house and falling asleep at all hours of the day.  I feel more energized today, and I hope this is the turning point to get me back to having a regular schedule.  It is pretty boring to be sleeping most of the day.

By the way, I picked up a few skills while at the hospital with lots of time to kill.  In addition to learning to play the harp, I also learned how to knit!  I never thought I would be so bored that I would take up knitting.  Well, never say never.  I was able to knit a scarf for Ellie, and I have a couple more to make for Katie and Kelvin.  I am definitely getting more and more domesticated.  Whodathunk?!  :-)

That's all for now.  Thank you all for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.

8/23/2010 - Going Home Soon

Just when I think things can't get any better, God surprises me with more good news!  First, the doctor said I may be able to go home this weekend.  I was already ecstatic with the news.  Then, last Friday, the doctor changed it to this Friday.  Now, he just came in and said things are looking good and I may be able to go home this Thursday!  My heart is overflowing with gratitude.

God has been healing me everyday, working the miracle of rebirth in my body.  To me, the human body is still the most amazing "machine" ever built.  I do not understand all the things that go on in there, but I know the Designer knows exactly what needs to happen. 

I marvel at how He often defies human wisdom to show His power and sovereignty.  As I mentioned before, most transplant patients spend 4-6 weeks in the hospital after transplant.  In my case, I was warned that I may stay longer because I had an unrelated donor.  If I were to go home on Thursday, that would only have been 3 weeks and 2 days!  Amazing!

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.  Amen."  Ephesians 3:20-21

Thank you all for your prayers that made this experience quite amazing.  May God continue to bless you and your family.

8/17/2010 - Getting Better

Things have been looking great the last few days. My blood count has started to go up since 4 days ago. The normal range for white blood count is 4.0 to 11.0. After radiation and chemo, mine went down to 0.1 and stayed there for some time, as expected. Then, it went from 0.1 to 1.0 in the last 4 days! This is great!

And because my white count has reached 1.0, I am now allowed to leave my room. I am now a "cage-free" or "free range" chicken. ha! ha! I like getting out of the cage, I mean, room and walk around the hospital floor as part of my daily exercise. I always thought that free range chicken and cage free chicken must be happier than regular chicken. I just didn't feel happy paying extra money for happy chicken in the supermarket. Besides, they can't be so happy anymore, they're dead. :-|

The doctor said that if I keep up my progress, I have a chance of going home next weekend. That would be awesome! I don't want to keep my hopes up too high, but then I also want to have enough faith to believe that it will happen if that is what God wants. I know that I have often lacked enough faith for God to work His wonders in the past, so I am asking God to give me enough faith now so He can work His wonders during my healing.

I am in good spirits these days. I still have diarrhea, but it is getting better. I still suffer from hemorroids, but that is slowly getting better, too. I still can't have regular food, but the doctor has put me on a restricted diet. Yay! I get more than just water and sunlight now. I have evolved from a plant to a human! :-D

God is so great! I have been previously warned by the transplant coordinator that after transplant, patients typically stay 4-6 weeks in the hospital. But because my donor is unrelated, I may have a harder time during recovery, so I should expect to stay 6 weeks or more in the hospital. If I get to go home next weekend, I would have just stayed here only 4 weeks after transplant! I would really like that to happen, because then we will have another evidence of the greatness of God. More reason to sing His praises. We are so blessed to know this great, big, awesome, living and all-loving God!

I know that my experience these past weeks were only possible because of all the prayers that have been offered on my behalf before the throne of God. I know many of you have been relentless in interceding for me and my family, and even crying out to the Lord for us. I will forever be grateful to all of you. For without your prayers, my experience could have been unbearably painful for me and my family.

Thank you all again for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!

8/13/2010 - Daily Miracles

I still feel out of sorts these days because of the diarrhea, hemorrhoids, bouts of nausea and gas. I told my nurse this morning how terrible I feel when all of the side effects strike at the same time. It felt like there's something wrong with my body, but I couldn't figure out what it is and what to do about it.

Then, she told me I am so lucky to feel the way I do. Huh? Apparently, most patients in my situation would have mouth sores, throwing up a lot, really bad diarrhea, and no energy to do anything. They are constantly in bed and feel terrible. Listening to her made me choke up. I realized then how blessed I am. Although the doctor kept telling me I am doing well, I was never quite sure whether he really meant it or whether he was just encouraging me. Now I know. Ahh! There, but for the grace of God go I. God is working miracles in my body everyday, and I did not fully realize it until now! I believe God is protecting and healing me everyday because He loves us and is granting our prayer requests. What a privilege to come to our God with our requests and know that our God is real, loving and almighty!

Sometimes, when I am feeling blah, I just start counting my blessings and realize that I have so much to be thankful for. I also realize that these temporary inconveniences will soon pass away. I think the sufferings we have in our lifetime never exceeds the joy of knowing the Lord and living under His care.

We are so blessed to be the children of the living God. To live under His care is to know that whatever happens to us, He is in control and He always has a higher purpose for our suffering. All I can say is Thy will be done!

Thank you so much for persevering with us through your prayers. May God continue to bless you and your family!

8/11/2010 - Feeling Better

I finally snapped out of my blahs, with a lot of help from your prayers, phone calls from old friends, visits from new ones, and some good news from the doctor.

It started a this weekend when I got a call from Weng, my college friend who now lives in Australia. It was such a nice surprise! Later that day, I also got a call from my college best friend, Jac, from Manila. She just found out about what I was going through from a chance meeting with my sister. It was so good to hear from her, and to be encouraged by her. Then, my college friend, Gina, called in the evening. Also a nice surprise. The only person who didn't call from our college group was Cynch, but then we've been writing each other quite a bit. I love my friends and I always thought that friendships are some of life's best gifts. That was a very special day for me.

I got more calls, texts and emails from family and friends that further improved my mood. Today, I got a visit from the music therapist. She is one of the few people in life that I've just met but felt like we've known each other a lifetime ago. We always had fun talking about anything and everything. I also had a nice visit from the social worker, a fellow foodie, so you can guess what we talked about.

The doctor gave me some good news. He said that my triglicerides seem to be going down so I do not need a plasma exchange. Yay! He also said that my cells may start recovering this weekend, and that if things continue going well, I may even be able to go home by the end of the month! Wow! That's 2 weeks sooner that I had expected. I hope there will only be minimal rejection and my blood count will go up quickly.

"Food! Glorious Food!" is a line from a Ice Age that keeps playing in my mind. I miss eating real food. The other day, when I was watching TV, I noticed that I was paying more attention to the food commercials than the show itself. (drool!) Even commercials for food I would not even think of eating (unhealthy fast food) looked so delicious. I tell myself, just a few more days... For now, my diet still consists of nutrients from a bag, and pure, clear water. Yum! :-\

Thank you so much for your prayers and may God bless you and your family!

8/9/2010 - Feeling Blah

The last few days were a bit more challenging. I am slowly experiencing the side effects of radiation, chemo, and other medications. Radiation and chemotherapy causes nausea, diarrhea, loss of hair, dry skin, sore arms and legs from time to time. Because I have hemmorhoids from childbirth, it just takes my experience of diarrhea tortuous!

One medication made my glucose go way up, so they had to give me another pill to bring it down. Another med also sent my triglicerides way up. They could not bring it down fast enough with pills, so they now want me to have a plasma exchange. That means using this big machine to take out my plasma with the triglicerides and replace it with good plasma containing albumin. Unfortunately, I have such thin veins that they could not get the needle into my vein. The doctor says they'll give me another pill, but if it doesn't work, they will have to put a catheter to my side for the plasma exchange. Whoopee, more needles! Not!

What can I do? I just want to get all these over and done with. I have asked the nurse if there is any medication that I can take so I can just go to sleep until everything is over. Just wishful thinking. How about time travel? That will be a good use of the technology. Or maybe parking my body in the hospital while they do the repairs, and my spirit can go on a nice vacation. :-)

Well, as bad as things were, I had some wonderful surprises this weekend. I was able to spend some time on the phone with some of my dearest and oldest friends. It was such a surprise, because they were calling from Australia and Manila - not something I would expect everyday due to the high cost of long distance calls. Just the sound of their voices was enough to cheer me up. I guess God knew that I needed some cheering up, and nudged them to give me a call.

Another piece of good news is that City of Hope was ranked #1 in transplant success rate in the US. They measure the success rate by the survival rate. Apparently, even if most of their patients have medium to high risk, the result is still more successful than in other institutions with less risky transplants. I am so glad I am in the capable hands of the doctors and other caregivers here. Can I sign up to be their poster child for the longest survival rate? :-)

Today, I finally force myself out of bed just to get my body moving. I try to do a little exercise, but I'm so lazy! Nothing seems interesting to me anymore - not reading, exercising, computer games, or even playing on the harp. Just feeling blah! According to the nurse, everybody eventually feels blah.

I think I know what is wrong. I think I am physically and spiritually sick. I know in my mind that I should be praying more and reading the bible more, but somehow I manage to distract myself from doing so. Please pray that I will be given the spiritual strength to resist the temptations,

According to the doctor, the symptoms will last for another week. Then, as my body starts getting stronger, that is when we will see if there is any rejection. I sincerely hope that there will not be any major rejection.

Please continue to pray for our family, that we will remain positive and happy throughout this challenge, and that we will be given extra strength, courage and faith. Please also pray that I will be better able to tolerate the side effects, and that the doctors and nurses will have the wisdom to do the right thing, and that I will be on my way to a speedy recovery.

Thank you so much for your prayers, and may God continue to bless you and your family.

8/5/2010 - 2 Days After Transplant

I thought I would feel very different after the transplant, but I don't. It was actually quite uneventful. The nurse came in with what looked like a bag of blood. I thought I was going to get another blood transfusion. Turns out it was the bag of stem cells (225 ml). I was given some medication, then they just connected the stem cells to the IV, just like a regular blood transfusion. About 3 hours later, it was over.

I feel tired and nauseous these days. Mostly because my blood count is down to nothing, and I am still experiencing the side effects of radiation and chemo. I also have a mild case of diarrhea. The doctor had put me on a no-food diet. I am given nutrients via IV. I am allowed to drink water and other clear liquids, but that is all. The doctor said there is no point in eating anything solid, because it will just irritate my GI tract. It takes 2 weeks for the cells in my mouth and GI tract to start coming back up. My blood count will also stay low during this time. That means no real food until then. I stopped watching the Food Channel so I feel won't so jealous, or worse, start drooling. :-)

I am looking forward to the time when my blood count will start going up again. Because that means I will be going home soon! I miss my family so much. Spending an hour with them a day is not enough. Even when they are here, they are required to wear a mask and gloves. Makes it difficult to kiss those yummy cheeks. Oh well, at least I get to spend time with them.

In case you're wondering, my family is doing fine. The kids are in summer camp. They enjoy the activities there. On days when they would rather not go on a field trip, they get to have fun with Ninang Cristina and her family or stay at home with daddy. Rob's boss is very understanding. He allows Rob to work from home whenever he needs to. Rob also gets by with help from friends who would bring food to the house and help with groceries.

Thank you for your prayers. I know that the Lord is watching over me, and giving me special protection from all the potential harsh side effects and rejection. I trust that He is listening to all our prayers, and He is granting our requests everyday. Miracles are happening everyday. Unfortunately, they are mostly invisible.

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him, He will also hear their cry and save them." Psalm 145:18-19

Thank you all once again for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!

8/3/2010 - Getting Transplant Today

The stem cells arrived a day early, so they had to give me the transplant today. Yikes! Not that it made much difference, but I am just concerned about the effects of transplant. I should have more faith that all will go well, but I cannot shake all the warnings I have received from the nurse coordinator. They are always careful to explain to the patient about all the risks involved. I guess in this society where people and institutions can be sued for anything and everything, they are just doing their due diligence to prevent unnecessary lawsuits.

I remember a verse in the Psalms where David was praying for deliverance, and he was encouraged when he remembered how God had always delivered him in the past. I should learn to do the same. Just recently, God had protected me from the harsh effects of radiation and chemotherapy. I am sure he is also able to protect me from the negative effects of the transplant. Please pray that I will be given extra faith and strength for what I will be going through.

The transplant will be given in a couple of hours. So, I better get going. I want to make sure I get some exercise while I can, then I have a few phone calls to make, and I also want to spend more time with the Lord, my comfort, my rock and my salvation.

Thank you for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!

8/2/2010 - Almost There

I had high-dose chemo the last two days. Boy, they wiped me out! I was sleeping most of both days. I still feel nauseous because of the chemo, so my appetite is gone. The doctor will have food given to me via IV starting tonight. This is quite common, because most people cannot keep the food down after going through all the stuff I've been through.

I still feel tired now, but I had to force myself out of bed. Apparently, it is not good to be in bed all the time. I just wanted to stay in bed and play on my cell phone. But, I had to force myself out of bed to do some mild exercises so I can get more oxygen to flow through my body. I generally feel better after doing some exercise.

I am now a walking pharmacy. I have more medication going through my body than food. There are a couple of antibiotics, anti-fungal, heparin, IV fluids, immune suppressants, medication to protect my kidney and to protect my mouth and GI tract. And once in a while, I also get platelets and blood as needed.

I'm back to my G.I. Jane look. It took nine months to grow my hair to an acceptable length and now it's back to nothing. At least, this time, Rob didn't have to shave it off. The hospital had a professional come do it for me. I am continually amazed at the breadth of care they provide at this hospital. It doesn't matter to me at this time that I have no hair. It's not like I'm not going anywhere soon. I will most likely be here until mid-September. After that, I will just be holed up at home except for short trips to the grocery or pharmacy. By the time I can freely go anywhere without a mask, my hair might have grown back.

In spite of what I am going through, I am still thankful that things are as good as they are. The doctor is always pleased that I am doing as well as I am. They also gave me a medal for completing the 11 rounds of radiation. Nice touch.

Please pray that my body will be ready to receive the new stem cells on Wednesday with minimal rejection. Please also pray that the doctors and nurses will have the wisdom to give me the best care. Once again, please pray that my family and I will continue to be positive and happy throughout this challenge.

Thank you very much for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family.

7/30/2010 - Radiation, Day 4

I am supposed to be done with radiation treatments today. However, because the radiation machine was out of commission on Tuesday morning and this afternoon, some of my treatments were rescheduled. I have one more radiation treatment left. So far, I have tolerated the treatments well. I am very grateful that I did not have any serious side effects. My skin is darker now - free tanning! Wish it looks as good as a real tan, though. :-( I feel tired, but far from being fatigued. My appetite is not as good as it used to be, but I started with a big appetite anyway. ha! ha! My neighbors were kind enough to bring me some food a few times, and I totally enjoyed them. Overall, it has been such a blessing. Thank you for your prayers. God is answering our prayers everyday. God is so good!

I will have a radiation treatment tomorrow morning, followed by the first dose of chemo. The second dose will be given on Sunday. I am concerned about the side effects from chemo. Apparently, it may be harsh on the bladder. There may also be some jaw pain, hiccups and a loss of the sense of taste. Then, there's the usual risk of sore mouth and nausea.

On Monday and Tuesday, they will give me medication to suppress whatever is left of my my immune system. The doctor is thinking of giving me food via IV starting Monday, depending on my ability to eat regular food and to keep it down.

The big day is on Wednesday, when they give me the donor's stem cells. Then, it is anybody's guess as to how much rejection I will experience. This is the scariest part of the transplant for me. I try not to think of all the things that may go wrong. I just keep telling myself to take things one day at a time, and to pray for God's mercy throughout the process.

Please continue to pray for me and my family. Please pray that there will be minimal side effects from the remaining radiation and from chemo. Please also pray for extra strength, faith and grace for my family. Lastly, please pray that my body will be ready to receive the new stem cells, and that there will be minimal rejection.

Thank you so much for you prayers. May God continue to bless you and your family.

7/28/1020 - Radiation, Day 2

The radiation machine was down this morning, so instead of getting three rounds of radiation today, I only got two. I will have a make up session on day 4.

Thankfully, the radiation went smoothly again today. I was a little tired after the first round, but felt better after taking a short nap. So far, so good. I am hopeful that the next two days will be as uneventful as today.

There were some minor side effects from the radiation. Some parts of my skin felt sore and they look like they got sunburned. The nurse gave me a gel to help it heal. I also get rashes everyday because of one of the medications. Thankfully, they don't itch. The doctor says I really need the medication, so they will keep giving it to me unless it makes me feel very uncomfortable. These minor side effects are okay with me. I am very thankful for how things are going.

A funny thing happened during my second radiation treatment today. While listening to Les Mis, I got really emotional when Eponine (Lea Salonga) sang "On My Own". I didn't know that the technicians were observing me from a small window to make sure I was okay. They got worried when they noticed that I was starting to cry. The speaker in the room went on and they quickly asked if everything was okay. I was a little embarrassed to tell them that everything was fine and that I just got emotional with the music. :-\

That is all for today. The best part of my day is about to begin. I can hear my girls' voices outside my room. Family time!

Thank you so very much for your prayers, and may God continue to bless you and your family!

7/27/2010 - Radiation, Day 1

This is such an encouragement. My doctor just came in to see how I fared after my first day of radiation and saw me smiling. He said it is a good sign, and that the rest of the radiation therapy could be as good as today. May God let it be so.

I've never had radiation therapy until today. It is a full body radiation, so I had to stand in front of a radiation equipment for about 11 minutes at a time. The purpose is to wipe out the cells in my bone marrow. The technicians had to strap me to a harness to prevent me from falling should I lose my balance or fall asleep (snore!). I had three rounds of radiation spaced 4 hours apart. It could have been quite boring, but I brought my Les Miserables CD for entertainment. During radiation, I just closed my eyes and allowed myself to be transported to a theater watching Les Mis. I was blessed to have seen it twice in London. The last time was with Rob during our second honeymoon (aw!).

As much as I enjoyed the musical, I would zoom in and out of the show, because I was also praying for God to let the radiation do its job. I also prayed that He would shield the different parts of my body from the negative effects of radiation - brains, eyes, thyroid, mouth, throat, GI tract, spleen, liver, kidneys, ovaries and lungs.

I am positive that all your prayers were instrumental in making the radiation as uneventful as it was. I felt a bit nauseous, but it quickly went away. I also feel tired, but it was a busy day. I had to be wheeled to another building for radiation each time, and I had a few people from the hospital who stopped in for a visit. I am hopeful that the rest of the radiation and chemo will be uneventful. It will be a testament to the goodness of God and the power of prayer.

Thank you so much for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!

7/24/2010 – Transplant Work-up Begins

We received the donor clearance yesterday. This means that the donor has passed all the physical exams. We can now expect to use his stem cells for my transplant. Thank God. May God bless the donor for his selfless act!

The transplant schedule begins with a "work-up" that lasts 11 days. I am being given medication for 3 days to thicken my mouth and GI lining. This will reduce the chances of getting mouth sores and GI tract disorder due to radiation and chemotherapy. The grueling part of the work-up begins on Tuesday, 7/27, with 11 rounds of low-dose radiation spread over 4 days, followed by 2 days of high-dose chemotherapy. I was warned that I may be fatigued that week. This will be followed by more medication to suppress my immune system. There is a laundry list of potential side effects and risks with all the treatments and medication. Gulp! It was scared when I first heard about them.

August 4 is the day when I will be given stem cells from the donor via IV. It only takes a few hours, but it will change my life forever. I was told to expect to stay in the hospital for about 6 weeks from 8/4. The hospital will once again be "home" to me for a while.

Once the transplant is done, it is all about damage control. The medical team will be managing side effects and any Graft versus Host Disease (GVHD) that may occur from the transplant. Anything and everything can go wrong depending on the severity of the GVHD. It can even be fatal. As usual, my blood count will go down to nothing and I will be susceptible to infection. Multiple blood and platelet transfusion can be expected. The coming weeks may be the toughest weeks in my life. I can use all the prayers I can get. Please pray that the treatments and medication will not have side effects, and that there will be minimal rejection (GVHD).

The critical period for the transplant is 100 days. Most problems occur within 100 days of the transplant, so please keep praying for me until at least mid-November. Longer is better, of course. :-)

The official term for what I will be going through is "hematopoetic transplant" (a.k.a stem cell transplant). Hematopoetic transplant refers to the process of kicking the donor's stem cells to his blood through medication, doing a reverse blood transfusion to collect the blood, harvesting the stem cells, and returning the blood to the donor via blood transfusion. It is all very amazing and high-tech. The stem cells are then flown to the US and given to me via IV. It is all very amazing and high-tech. Thank God for technological advances in medicine. But most of all, thank God for people who have signed up to be donors. What a blessing they are!

I am feeling much better since the last couple of days. I try not to think of all the things that could go wrong, and just focus on what's going right each day. I can only take things one day at a time, and hope and pray for the best. I made some progress on the harp. Katie learned to play a few pieces, too. Ellie brings me her projects from summer camp everyday, so now my room looks like her art gallery with a few contributions from Katie! No complaints here. My room looks cheerful with all their artwork. Once again, I am so thankful that we live close to the hospital so I can see my family almost everyday.

I lost my room with the mountain view, because they had to move me to the transplant floor. At first, I felt sad not to have a the full mountain view from my new room. But when I realized that I have a partial mountain view anyway, plus I can see trees in Arcadia and a view of the buildings in downtown LA, I was happy. It feels like I am somewhat connected to my family when I look at the trees in our area, and to Rob when I see the building he works in in downtown LA. Perhaps I can send them my love through the air or via mental telepathy. :-)

That is all for now. You don't know how grateful I am for all your prayers. Just knowing that there are people out there interceding for me and my family is such an encouragement. I believe in the power of prayer and the goodness of God.

Thank you again for your prayers and may God continue to bless you and your family!