8/3/2011 - Happy Birthday to Me!

I had my transplant exactly one year ago, so today is my first second birthday, and it falls on the third day of the month.  That sounds funny - first, second and third.  It is hard to believe that it has already been a year!  As they say, time flies when you’re having fun.  Now, in addition to celebrating two wedding anniversaries a year, I get to celebrate two birthdays, too!  Did I mention I like celebrations? :-)  

I still have check-ups every two weeks.  I had my last one today.  The test results were good, except for some rejection in the form of hives.  Yes, I still have it.  Still scratching every now and then, but the medications help to keep it tolerable.  I am taking immune suppressants and steroids for it.  I hope to get off the medication soon, because prolonged use of the drugs can be bad for the liver and kidneys. 

According to my doctor, one year anniversary is an important milestone, because it means I have a better chance of not having a relapse.  Most relapses occur on the first or second year.  When I get to the two-year mark, there will be a 95% chance that I won’t have a relapse.  And when I hit the five-year mark, it will be unlikely that I will have a relapse the rest of my life.  I can’t wait to get to the five-year mark!

I no longer have any food restrictions (yay!), but still need to be careful with bacteria (sashimi, rare steak, etc.)  I am now allowed to get on a plane, but only within the United States.  Longer flights mean being exposed to dirty, recycled air for a longer period of time – not a good thing.  Traveling to third world countries is also prohibited because I still need my shots.  I have to be immunized all over again, just like a baby!  Waaah!   My doctor doesn’t want me to get any shots yet until I am stronger.  I am in no hurry.  Waaah!

The doctor just gave me the okay to go back to work part time.  At this point, I am not sure if and when I will be going to work. I feel that this is not the time to go back to work yet, partly because we have a couple of vacations lined up in the coming months.  Robert and I are prayerfully waiting for God’s leading in this area.

This will be the last entry in my blog.  The last two years have been quite an adventure for us.  One of my dear friends who recently passed away wished that my journey will be a wonderful adventure of the soul - he got his wish.  I cannot thank you enough for all your support and prayers.  My family and I were helped in many ways by your prayers and well wishes.  We also remember those who went out of their way to send food, gifts, cards, books, cds and dvds.  Your phone calls and visits had also brightened my days.  Thank you for joining our family in this adventure. 

As bad as this journey had seemed to most people, I still think that I got more out of this experience than it had taken out of me.  I have many happy memories and very few bad ones.  I have learned so much about the human body and how to live a healthier lifestyle.  I got a better understanding of the important things in life, basked in the love of family and friends, and experienced the love and grace of God in a whole new level.

Like many people, I have read and heard Psalm 23 countless times.  However, the words are more meaningful to me now.  There were times I had to meditate on the Psalm to get me through some difficulties.  I want to share these words of comfort with you:

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.  He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

As we move on with our lives, please continue praying for my complete healing from the hives, that I will not have a relapse, and protection from any other side effects from the treatments such as secondary forms of cancer or liver or kidney failure.  Please also pray that I will be able to discern what God wants me to do in the next chapter of my life.  

When we think of this journey and what we went through together, may we be reminded of the unchanging love and goodness of our God, and the power of prayer.   To God be the glory, now and forever!

Thank you again for your prayers.  It is my hope that I will be able to visit you all and thank you personally.  In the meantime, we’ll keep in touch by email or Facebook.  Until we meet again, may God continue to bless you and your family!

8/3/2011 - I Dreamed a Dream

I would like to share a dream with you.  I think you may find it interesting.  I started writing about it a couple of months ago, but kept on getting sidetracked.  I finally finished writing about it.  Happy reading!  You were in my dream…

It was several days before my stem cell transplant.  I was reasonably anxious about the whole thing. I knew the potential side effects that may come out of it, including a 15% chance that I may die from the procedure.  One night, I had this dream:

My husband and I were taking a walk one gloomy afternoon. I seemed weak, holding on to my husband as we walked. We were probably in an old town somewhere in Europe - cobblestones and old architecture all around.  We turned the corner and continued walking onto a small plaza. There was a row of small apartments to our right.  As I looked at the apartments, I was surprised to see through the doors and walls.  It was like having Superman's x-ray vision!  

As we walked past the apartments, I saw sick people wearing white hospital gowns in every one of them.  I was surprised to see my assistant in one of the rooms, but she was wearing a colored outfit.  Hmmm… what was she doing there?  After a few more sick people, I walked past a room with a skeleton sitting up in bed! I got scared, so I told my husband I want to go home already.  

We were almost at the end of the plaza.  My husband turned the corner and crossed over to the other side.  My x-ray vision was gone.  We walked a very short distance down the left side of the plaza and I  saw an old church.  To my surprise, my husband opened the door of the church to let me in.  We were supposed to go home, not to church!  I remember thinking, “This is home?!”

It was a medium-sized church - smaller than a cathedral, bigger than a chapel.  As we entered through the right door, I saw a priest swinging a censer behind the left door. I wondered why a priest would burn incense behind the entrance and not in front of the church. Strange…

My husband led me to a small room by the entrance of the church.  I remember thinking, “Home is a room in this church?”   As I turned to go in, I glanced at the front of the church.  I saw rows of people wearing what seemed to be choir gowns.  They were all standing and facing the front.  I also noticed that there was nobody in front.  Who are these people and what are they doing?  I was puzzled as I entered “home”.  The door closed behind us and that was the end of the dream.

When I woke up in the morning, the dream was very clear in my mind.  For someone who rarely remembers any dream, this dream was one of the most vivid and strange in my life.  But what does it mean?  Who are all the people I saw in the apartments?  Why was my assistant there, among the sick people?  Why was there a skeleton?  Does it mean death?  Whose death? Was that a warning?  Why was our home in a church?  What was the significance of the incense?  Who are all the people in the dream?  What were they doing there? 

Many possible interpretations went through my mind.  I did not share any of these with you back then, because I didn’t want to guess at the meaning.  As you can see, some interpretations of this dream can be scary.  Some people have the gift of interpreting dreams, and I am not one of them.

Over the next few months, I slowly came to understand what the dream meant. I may be wrong, but it sure makes a lot of sense to me now.  Here it is: My loving husband is my greatest help during these trying times. The sick people I saw in the apartments were the sick people at the hospital.  The skeleton was one of the patients I met who told me that her doctor said that she will die in a couple of months. I had a hard time with that.  To make a new friend and know that she won’t be around much longer was difficult for me.  My assistant must be visiting someone.  She had told me that her aunt and her best friend’s father were fighting cancer, too.  

I liked having our home was in a church, even if it was only in a dream.  To live in the presence of God is the best thing one could aspire for.  I guess that's why God saves the best for last – we only get there after we die.  J 

Now we get to my favorite part of the dream.  I found out during a bible study that incense represents prayers.  The people standing there were all the people who were praying for my healing and for our family throughout this journey.  You were in my dream!  Your prayers were rising up to God just like the sweet smell of incense.  My family and I cannot thank you enough for your prayers!  Now that was a nice interpretation of my dream, wasn't it?

Thank you once again for your concern, prayers and well wishes.  May God continue to bless you and your family!

3/23/2011 - Seven Months and Counting

Just as some of you thought I was going to fade out of the "digital airwaves",  here I am again!   It sure has been a long time since my last update.  I'm glad most people know by now that with me, "no news is good news".  And that is true.  If something were to go wrong, I would most likely get on a platform, sound the trumpet and ask for prayers galore!

My check-up last Wednesday went well.  The doctor said I am doing "very well" and I have nothing to worry about.  That has been the ongoing theme for several months now, in spite of the hives.  Yes, the hives have been bothering me for a while now.  It is the only sign of rejection (graft versus host disease) that I have.  The doctor is glad to see some rejection, though.  It may go away soon or last a long time, the doctor doesn't know because it is different for everyone.  My skin, eyes and scalp gets itchy from time to time.  During good days, they are just a minor source of irritation.  During bad days, it keeps me up at night even with medication.  Fortunately, there are more good days now than bad days.  If you're having visions of monkeys scratching themselves, you're on the right track!  ooh! ooh! aah! aah!

The doctor finally put me back on a regular diet!  Yay!  He did warn me not to go overboard, though.  I can now have salad that's not prepared at home, yogurt, strawberries, etc.  That was great news!

"Woman overboard!"  I thought having a hot seafood tofu soup would be safe, even if it had oysters in it.  It may have been safe, but I forgot about all the appetizers they give you in a Korean restaurant.  My friend and I enjoyed our lunch yesterday.  But when I got home, my bad stomach reminded me of the oysters and the fresh salad, kimchi, bean sprouts and pickled seaweeds I had with it.  I also ordered my soup medium (spicy by American standards).  Oops!  I guess I went overboard.  I should really be more careful.

One improvement last month was the removal of the PICC line from my arm.  It is a tube that was inserted through my upper arm to a large vein close to my heart.  The line was put in when I was hospitalized.  It was used to draw blood and to give infusions. The doctor decided to remove the line, because my check-ups have been consistently good and the line is only being used to draw blood every two weeks.  Finally - no more rubber sleeves when taking a shower, flushing the line everyday, and being concerned about possible infection in the line!  Now, I just have to get poked each time I go for check-ups.  Ouch!

The doctor did not reduce my medication at all since I last wrote.  He actually increased my immune suppressant by one pill because of the hives.  Not a big deal, but I would really like to be able to cut back on my medication to protect my kidneys and liver.

My hair is growing back.  It is all curly and fine.  This is normal.  I guess chemo drugs can be a substitute for perms.  It lasts about a year, too - much longer than perms!   I don't like how my hair looks right now.  It reminds me too much of the afro look. :-|  But it is sure beats not having any hair!  Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let me have some of your hair!

I get asked this question a lot: am I working now?  Nope, not until one year after transplant (8/4/11), at the earliest.  One year post-transplant is standard, but the doctor may ask for a longer leave depending on my condition.  I am no hurry.  I am presently enjoying my extended "staycation" (medical leave).  Another FAQ: Will I go back to my old job?  I don't know.  I don't know what I will be doing when the doctor says I'm good to go.  I am just waiting for God's leading in this area.  And it could be anything...  

Life is essentially back to normal with my family.  We enjoy our time together much more nowadays for obvious reasons.  Please continue to pray for us - my hives, medication, complete recovery, and protection from the cold and flu virus for all of us.  

Tokyo is going through so much these days.  The earthquake, tsunami and the extent of the damage is really scary.  As I pray for Japan, I can't help praying for God's mercy on us.  Our time may come - thinking of the "big one" overdue here in California.  For now, I am thankful.  Thankful for today, thankful for our safety, thankful for family and friends, thankful for your prayers, thankful for abundant blessings, thankful for being happy.

This is the season of Lent.  I hope we all pause for a moment in our busy lives to consider the great sacrifice for our salvation.  In retrospect, what I went through the last 2 years is nothing compared to what Jesus allowed Himself to go through for me.  Whatever we go through in life, no matter how tough, is part of living in this world - we gotta take the good with the bad.  Jesus didn't have to come to this imperfect world and suffer, but he did, and He made all the difference - in my life, in my family's life, and I hope, also in your lives.

Thank you so much for all your prayers.  May God continue to bless you and your family.