9/6/09 - Back to Square One

All my numbers went down today. As it turns out, I was given wrong information yesterday. My white blood cell count went down to 1.3 yesterday instead of going up to 1.7. All the numbers had started going down yesterday, and went lower today, so I'm back to square one. Actually, maybe a little worse off. My neutrophils were down to 300 and white blood count down to 1.2. Hemoglobin went down to 6.9, so I was given 2 more units of blood. It looks like we will be celebrating Ellie's birthday here. I told the kids about it, and they were okay with it. I'm glad I'm in a bigger room now - it will be easier to make it feel festive.

It is really a blessing to have a bigger room. For tonight, I was able to ask for an extra TV with a DVD player. We had dinner together here and had a "movie night". That's what we call watching a movie together as a family, usually after dinner, but sometimes while having dinner ("picnic") in the living room. It was fun. I'm sure we'll have fun celebrating Ellie's birthday here, too.

I was a bit disappointed with the numbers this morning, but had to remind myself that God has His own timing. I listened to one of the CDs Vic sent me entitled "When God Delays", a sermon by David Jeremiah. It was just what I needed. The sermon was about Psalm 13, David's Psalm when he was at his wit's end from being chased down by Saul for so many years. He was anointed as king at a young age, but had to wait 15 years (yikes!) before he actually became king. Most of those years were spent living as a fugitive because Saul was hunting him down to kill him. Sometimes, even men of great faith get worn out from the long duration of their trials. His Psalm started with a frustrating cry: "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?", but ends with "I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt bountifully with me". The key, the speaker said, was to change the focus from the magnitude of one's problem to the goodness of God. David was able to overcome his frustration when he remembered the goodness of God. My sickness is nothing compared to what David had to go through, but it was a good reminder that even if God has revealed His wonderful plan to us, sometimes His timing is different from what we expect. Focusing on His goodness and blessings in the past as well as the present will keep us from getting too impatient or overwhelmed by our trials. Thanks, Vic! That really helped.

I am blessed to have so many people helping me along this journey. In your special way, whether through your prayers, books, jokes, phone calls, visits, email, text messages, food, helping with errands, or other gifts - you have all contributed in helping make this journey bearable for me and my family. Even if we know that this is going to be a long and difficult journey for our family, it is comforting to know that there are so many people who are walking along with us, ready to help us in any way. Thank you so much once again for your prayers and all the other ways you support and encourage us. May God bless you all.